Ladies. Eat something. Seriously, it's fine.

Forgot the Sox hired Pedro Martinez and now I have a boner about it.

No way am I voting again for a guy who didn't make every utopian dream I ever had come true in 4 years.

Shit. Missed church again.

BREAKING: Suspect 2 alive and in custody, CNN still at large and badly wounded.

To me, the scariest part is that this kind of attack doesn't seem terribly sophisticated or difficult to pull off.

Listening to the longest speech ever given by a drummer.

The thing about reading David Sedaris is that he's so good it ruins my life. Like I may kill myself before finishing the book.

Last rehearsal. Always bummed when these one offs end. Come get SO friggin emo Tuesday. @thebigeasymaine @headstartrock @hollynunan

My drunk live tweek holiday coverage starts now through January 1st.

@fittoprint Of course it's front page. And rightly so.

The Jesus freaks are scaring away the panhandlers. Sweet.

@corissaep My policy is that if you're not interested in my banal chatter, I'm certainly not interested in yours.

@corissaep Well in that case, UNFOLLOWED, BITCH!

@corissaep Ha, wow. That's awesome.

@corissaep Ha, yeah pretty sure she cut me. I do random spot checks. Because I am an insane person.

@adamnicholastm Seriously. It's not often a musician gets to tell someone, grow up.

@jchristie Da Boyz.

My phrase of the day is definitely "flash bangs".

Watching National League baseball. Like an animal.