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I have a poem called "Rape Joke" up at The Awl today. It is a serious poem: http://www.theawl.com/2013/07/rape-joke-patricia-lockwood …
DID YOU KNOW: Petting dogs is a video game, and if u pet a dog perfectly enough, u will unlock the ability to go to a dog's Birthday Party
I'm A Heterosexual Man And I Am Opening The Door Of This Airplane Because I Want To Touch Some Cloud Tits
If evolution is true then why do british people still exist when there are americans
Sext: I am a Dan Brown novel and you do me in my plot-hole. "Wow," I yell in ecstasy, "this makes no sense at all"
Why write a book when you can just go into the woods and let your smell be information for the wolves
I want to feel about anything the way dogs feel about Outside
I encourage you to use the Double Semicolon, a semicolon within a semicolon that forces the reader to take a bathroom break between clauses
The Law of Human Horniness
1 Everyone is horny
2 Everyone wants to fuck
3 FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS WITHOUT BEING MONSTERS TO EACH OTHER
Sext: I get nude as hell. I write BRA on my boobs and JEAN SHORTS on my pelvis. I walk through a philosophy class and I am not arrested
Sext: I HAND U A PANINI AND U OPEN IT UP 2 SEE THE COMMAND "ORGASM" WRITTEN IN THOUSAND ISLAND. U GRIP THE EDGE OF THE FORMICA COUNTERTOP
I am going to buy a pug and put it in a puffy jacket and teach it to say "babygirl" to me whenever I am feeling bad
To me watching Sports is like watching a bunch of steaks who came to life & are trying violently to put themselves back together into a cow
sideboob. underboob. inner boob. shadow boob. reverse boob. boob of the boob. satanic hellbreast. unsolvable boobix cube. illegal drjuggs
Sext: Inside the Dream House, Barbie is banged by a Transformer. He transform into a truck while he still inside her, the dream of every man
Took a bunch of drugs and now I feel like a dolphin finger -- slick, sexy, and five million years in the future
Has anyone ever looked into a TJ Maxx mirror so long and so deeply that they died
"How old do I think the earth is?" Rick Perry said. "I hav no idea. It pretty old. Could be a Chundred Years, could be ... a Nillion Years"