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I have a poem called "Rape Joke" up at The Awl today. It is a serious poem: http://www.theawl.com/2013/07/rape-joke-patricia-lockwood …
DID YOU KNOW: Petting dogs is a video game, and if u pet a dog perfectly enough, u will unlock the ability to go to a dog's Birthday Party
I'm A Heterosexual Man And I Am Opening The Door Of This Airplane Because I Want To Touch Some Cloud Tits
If evolution is true then why do british people still exist when there are americans
Why write a book when you can just go into the woods and let your smell be information for the wolves
Sext: I am a Dan Brown novel and you do me in my plot-hole. "Wow," I yell in ecstasy, "this makes no sense at all"
I want to feel about anything the way dogs feel about Outside
Tired of these fake kramer girls who enter a room totally normally
I encourage you to use the Double Semicolon, a semicolon within a semicolon that forces the reader to take a bathroom break between clauses
The Law of Human Horniness
1 Everyone is horny
2 Everyone wants to fuck
3 FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS WITHOUT BEING MONSTERS TO EACH OTHER
I am going to buy a pug and put it in a puffy jacket and teach it to say "babygirl" to me whenever I am feeling bad
Sext: I get nude as hell. I write BRA on my boobs and JEAN SHORTS on my pelvis. I walk through a philosophy class and I am not arrested
Sext: I HAND U A PANINI AND U OPEN IT UP 2 SEE THE COMMAND "ORGASM" WRITTEN IN THOUSAND ISLAND. U GRIP THE EDGE OF THE FORMICA COUNTERTOP
To me watching Sports is like watching a bunch of steaks who came to life & are trying violently to put themselves back together into a cow
The best way to break up with a man in public is to snap a dozen red roses in half over your knee and yell "Stay AWAY from my hole"
sideboob. underboob. inner boob. shadow boob. reverse boob. boob of the boob. satanic hellbreast. unsolvable boobix cube. illegal drjuggs
hardcore berenstain bare-it-all
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