@Tristanstoes' (IKnowURbutWhatAmI) most faved Tweets...
You know why I hate Facebook? The people that I know and love expect me to be appropriate. And by appropriate, I mean be someone else.
What are the stages of breaking up? Anger, grief, eating, drinking, sleeping with strangers? Because I'm at stage 5. Call me.
There are 3 desktops, 1 laptop, 2 smart phones, and 4 TV's with hundreds of channels in this house, and I get all my news from Twitter.
Hey! Lady in the PRODUCE AISLE who sneezed OPEN MOUTHED, UP into the air WITHOUT covering your mouth... Fuck you.
Dear new neighbor, We are a peaceful people here. We mean you no harm, but if you continue to weed wack @ 8am every Sunday, we will hurt u.
I just found out that I can change my relationship status on FB to the equivalent of, "no comment". I wish I could do that in life.
I tried telling her that in order to have a chest like this, you have to be willing to have an ass like this. No one listens.
If you say, "schedule" with the sh sound instead of the k and you don't live in England, you're a douche.
70° in NY on November 15th is really scary. If we all die and I never get to be skinny, I'm gonna be really pissed.
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