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I told you you could act.
Been back on Twitter for 15 minutes. Already regret many of my decisions. ...in life.
So I says to her, I says: "Shall I alert the WAAmbulance to this EMO-gency?" Then, laughed at my own cleverness for the next few minutes.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different raincoats.
Remember when we used to just hang out in cars?
wtf were we doing??
They're treating Jim Lehrer like that lady interviewer in Step Brothers. "Shush..shut up..shut up a for a second.." #debate
Dear UTI College,
You might want to change your name. You know, cuz of the whole pee-hole thing.
Scottie Pippen just said Twilight could be better than The Godfather.
Who said Humpty Dumpty was an egg??
"If my deodorant claims to provide 'TOTAL WETNESS PROTECTION,' what happens when I'm in here??"..These are my shower-thoughts, people!
If I were me...I'd be very, very concerned for all of you. Fortunately for me, I'm not.
"Mitt Romney raped and killed a girl in 1990!" -Biden #debate ....or was that Gottfried/Saget '08? #roast
"I don't care if you don't believe me; I have a gun." #Damages
I just texted both candidates a picture of my butt. Which one has the better 4G network? Watch for the smirk! #debate #verizon
To every teacher I ever had. Thank you. ...and I'm sorry. And thank you.
Hey guys..We all agree it's dumb that we basically only get 2 choices for President. But please..just pick the one you think is most Obama.
Student, Actor, Philosophizer, Ketchup Enthusiast. -- I am Jeremy. I do things, and I want to talk to you about it.