Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Is there some unwritten law that road construction must last 30 years?
I'm letting everyone know I put on a bra to leave the house.
Mark this date on your calendar.
There will be a test at the end.
Can I borrow an angry tweet from someone? It's pissing me off even more that I can't think of one right now.
i'll smoke your ashes.
Having good sex may lead to banging on the wall.
Fuck you woodpecker and all your woodpeckery just fuck you.
Look at yourself. It's disgusting.
Open twitter. Close twitter. Open twitter. Close twitter. Open twitter. Close twitter. - Me before I finally click on the app I need to use.
I'm sorry I'm not taking any work calls this afternoon, I have a very important meeting.*
*stocking up at the liquor store
I'm smart, not learn from my mistakes smart, but pretty damn smart...
Death is so popular around here. Weirdos
I like to believe that love is a selfish delusion. That it can't be felt unless I’m feeling it.
I'm white but not 'leave your cash drawer open while you turn to make my sandwich and I won't help myself' white.
Wait. Apparently I am :/
1. Read tweets.
2. Convince yourself they’re all about you.
Early bird gets the worm you say?
Wise man once told me, "second mouse gets the cheese"
Nothing infuriates me more than someone who actually stops at a STOP sign.
You guys can leave early. I got this.
I sleep with my glasses on so I can dream up smart shit.