Enjoy the ride or get off. Wait, you can do both.

My inner child is a brat and needs a spanking.

Everything is better with the word fuck in front.

Fuck yes, fuck no, fuck me, fuck you, fuck off and fuck everything.

My patience can be found in many different bottles.

I get carried away sometimes.

Because I refuse to leave.

There’s 2 ways we can do this.

1. My way.
2. Tied up.

My lady garden could really use a nice face plant.

I can grab my own ankles. You worry about getting it done right.

How long do I let someone clear their throat before I reach in and do it myself?

Boss: Have I made myself clear?

Me: No, I can still see you.

Boss: Shakes head.

The way I see it is usually through bloodshot eyes.

Verbal abuse leaves invisible scars.

If you don’t smile when saying fuck off, you’re not as demented as I am.

"Kicking ass and forgetting names!" - Alzheimer's Fight Club

I don’t call them regrets. I call them really fucked up memories.

I have no problem admitting I'm wrong IF it ever happens.

I’m flawed in many ways but that’s what makes me who I am.

Words with friends is just me swearing and telling them they’re not my real friends.

Don’t make excuses for someone who’s abusing you. It’s wrong, end of story!

It takes a special kind of fucked up to make me laugh out loud.