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Accidentally left the front door ajar last night which indicates to me that there is a significant shortage of female rapist in this town.
DYING for a good Easter egg hunt this weekend!!! Who's ovulating?
Shitty movies are my Ambien.
Ok, funny story... Accidentally made appointment for my dog at taxidermist instead of vet and well, they have this 24 hour cancellation...
Global warming my ass, its more like global menopause. Hot flashes. Cold flashes. Always crying...
I have a huge head ache. Please pass the blow job. Thanks.
Woah!! My loins were on FIRE for this chick in the cafeteria this morning!! Yeah, she dumped her large coffee in my lap. >:(
Its good to be missed. By friends and family; but, mostly by bullets.
If you're lost and alone or sinking like a stone... Find a friend with a GPS and/or get out of the water.
Eggs were chosen for Easter b/c they are fun to color, easy to hide, taste good, and well; sperm just didn't sound like a very good idea.
You can substitute wine for grape juice in a smoothie right?