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The good old days are happening to you now.
A night out with 22 year olds makes me sentimental for college... until about 2:00 am, when they can't hold their tongues or their liquor.
If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems *and* menstrual cramps, so quit your bitching.
I find it amusing that the folks who dismiss twitter as "useless" are often the same ones who update their Facebook status five times a day.
Him: "I think I've seen you on OK Cupid..?" Me: "No, and if that's the new pickup line of our generation, kill me now."
Rush Limbaugh said he would move to Costa Rica if healthcare reform passed.
Bon voyage, motherfucker.
When I play doctor, I play to win.
Technology & Vaginal Ecology seminar. Professor started off asking "What is a vagina?" I answered "A series of tubes." No one got the joke.
If you regularly substitute 'pron' in lieu of 'porn', you're not being cute and you're not an adult and also you're probably retarded.
I'm not saving daylight. I'm spending it like I'm not gonna see it for another eight months.
In celebration of Summer Solstice, the annual Seattle nude bike ride is about to take place. 50 degrees and raining. I'll wear my helmet.
Note to the reckless and ambitious: any restaurant can have a drive-through if you drive hard and fast enough.
Forget Groupon. www.heartsy.me/ sends daily deals for Etsy goods and featured sellers, voted on and selected by the public.
"You're invisible to the one you want most to see you; and because you can only see him, you don't notice the ones who can only see you."
Local radio: Seattle residents complaining about 3 inches of rain we had yesterday. NPR: Mother in Japan who lost her daughters in tsunami.
1989 state spelling bee champion. Passionate for brain food, getting lost on purpose, and making things. Also known as 'Megan' to the initiated.
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