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She be retweetin the same things I do if you know what I mean
You could say
*takes off suspenders*
I still have no idea how to talk to women
My sleep patterns are like my dating history: inconsistent and mostly non-existent
I really just read Don Glover as "dong lover"
I will never grow up and I will probably be ashamed of it at some point.
"OH MY LORDE"
*dad runs over ur CD collection pulling into the driveway in a new Bugatti*
"Dad's back from his 7yr camping trip"
If I tried counting the number of steps I took in one day, I'd get to about 12 before losing count and thinking about *boomerangs.
Time to go break I mean fix some jets on 4.5 hours of sleep for the fourth day in a row.
Judo? more like juNO DON'T THROW ME I'M PREGNANT
Just to clarify that is not a fact about my dad, only a jest at dads and irony
15k tweets and I still can't read.
If I actually took time out of my day to think about you, there'd be none left.
Strange fact of the week: found out that a girl I use to hang with is a Suicide Girl now. Could've lived without that. Definitely could've.
-in frustration and anger because no one has any sense here. It's Gilligan's Island and we start over every damn day.
Sorry, guys. I'm all out of jokes. I think of funny stuff all day but it's immediately forgotten when I'm slamming my head on the concrete
I don't even want to sleep anymore.
Not that I've been asleep this day and don't wish to continue; I simply don't want to sleep ever again.
I could have dropped off my laundry for some locals to do for me but I'm just not about that life. What if they try on all my underwear?
"Actions speak louder than words," she told me, her voice wavering. I began expressing my love for her in claymation
I found the "reset" button for life once.
It was stuck in the depressed position.