Dear God,
I asked you if you could fix the clutch on my car but now if anything it is worse. Thanks a lot

@paulkidd I went fishing in the Maribyrnong River once. I caught 2 Gemini’s and a Telstar

I am CAPTAIN ANXIETY and my superpowers include fidgeting, social awkwardness and gathering stress

Good news: Looks like my car has NOT been stolen - I was just looking IN THE WRONG STREET

#ancienttv Pimp my Chariot

@johnthesecular Aah yes, I see it now. The marking colours look similar, different build and head shape upon closer inspection

Cat just did that thing where they decide they have to be on the other end of the house in the quickest time possible

There will be absolutely no sleeping in so long as there is a hungry cat

@shirleymullet No need to thank me, it’s what I’m here for. I’d do the same for a white man

@macleanbrendan When in drought they should be called the browny-yellows

@m_pete Isn’t it a tad late for Christmas Cracker jokes?

@m_pete A sleep in on Sundays

Aaahh, such serenity. Café courtyard all to myself. Rare occurrence these days

@jeffsharlet was watching some of the Dressage. Took a bloke 10 minutes just to parallel park a horse. Can you believe it?

@danietreg @wontletyoufly @redror The only well known figure in any of my family photos is Fat Cat when I was in Kindergarten

Oh Melbourne coffee: why can't you live closer to me?

Better be a seat for me on the fucking train this morn... you've been warned

@tammythetwit The rooster

@dr_oy I harbor concerns to the quality of hookers and/or blow

@unicornsyrup Us procrastinators - we're the leaders of tomorrow. Maybe