Hey fuckers, the RT button isn't a clit, it's right on the fucking screen. You don't even have to move the labia to find it!!

I'm a walking encyclopedia of shit people don't wanna hear!!

Fucking road rage!! Wish I could start a new driving account!!

My favstar page just kicked my ego in the dick..

Well I did it, I took my first dick pic...
Dude chased me out of the bathroom & half way thru the mall but I got away!!

I would walk 500 miles & I would walk 500 more just be the man who stabs the guys who wrote this song
Da da da ta da da da da ta da.....

12yrs and already my kid has it all figured out.. She's going to law school and marrying an underwear model. YOU GO GIRL!!

Look lady I really enjoy shoving ink pens up my ass, but I promise all I wanna do with the one in your hand is write this check to you..

nephew just a text me, "how do I impress this girl" I replied, "lick the beard off her man in the boat!" he replied, "I'm tell'n grandma!"

Nothing is punk rock anymore..

when does muzzleload/douchebag season start??

I just realized twitter was all I could afford for my mid life crisis..

Hey Rocky, wanna watch me pull a tweet outa my ass?

To bad your smart car didn't come with autocorrect... Ass wipe!

I just ousted your sister's tongue as the mayor of my taint!!
BANG!!

Dear TV Exc's you should make a show called "How I systematically choked the life out of your father and his penis" Yea. I'd watch that..

If ya can't handle the heat get outta the meth lab!!

Don't give in to this Friday the 13th crap, it's just another holiday created by the insurance company's to get you to buy their stuff...

Don't hate the butt hole, hate the turd... Err ahh maybe I should work on that one?

Way cool of all those jumping back on my boat.. Thank you!!