Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Applebee's is the Wal Mart of restaurants.
I've been flirting with the line between dignity and sweatpants in public a lot lately.
"Autobots, unite!" - Guy who's single
I spent the entire day tweeting about toast so stop bitching about how tough your day was, surgeons.
Why do drug dealers always have weird pets? I hate going there, it's always so awkward...I'm always just like "so... Albino ferrets, huh?"
BREAKING: Sidney Crosby has played two full periods of hockey without getting a concussion.
On a scale of 1 to Hitler, how racist is it for me to make popcorn, grab a chair, and watch this Asian dude try to parallel park on my block
I'm so high I just fucked up making nachos. It's cheese on tortilla chips in a microwave but I fucked it up who's looking for a husband
I wish we could put those GPS tracking devices on all the spiders.
Why is there no pill to turn off fear? Taking that pill would be like The Matrix. Wake up w/ no fear, anything is possible. You'd be free.
In 2013 I vow to wear pants less.