My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...

Who do I gotta fuck around here to get a RT?!?

I'm like the Richard Simmons of dancing, I really love cock..

If u follow someone named Motherfucker Jones & then complain about how much I curse then ur a motherfucking idiot

Asking 4 a friend.. if u lose a hamster up ur ass, do u call 911 or animal control?!?

I called 911 and they don't seem to give a shit whaat shortys doin on tha dance floor..

Please stop calling people ugly, everyones beautiful in their own special way, for some it just happens to be in the dark or from a distance

I'm getting pulled over... let's hope this cop is into bj's!!!!

Can't wait til my kids get home from school so I can ignore them

I can already tell twitter is exactly like highschool & I'm just gonna have to start fucking everyone to get some attention...

Of course... my 3 most popular tweets involve cock, doughnuts & having hamster stuck up ass.. its just like my diary

Do not tell your lil girl "He's only being mean because he likes you" & then wonder why she only dates assholes when she gets older

I just ate a whole box of twinkies to get them outta my house

I have so many black guys following me now I'm starting to worry about getting pregnant

I swear if 1 more person sends me DM about losin weight Im gonna put these doughnuts down & crush their fucking head w/ my fat ass

I enjoy testing my hubbys religious beliefs by giving birth to a black baby & telling him it was an immaculate conception....

Dance like nobody's jacking off under the bar..

If I wasn't so lazy I bet some shit would get done around here..

I'm not really a whore I'm just whorizontally challenged....

Startin 2 think of twitter as r future prison population. We should start gang now cuz if theres any1 I want on my team its u crazy bastards