I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT, as long as it's ok with everybody.

What exactly is Twitter stalking? Feverishly reading?

I'm amazed when someone confuses having a boyfriend with not wanting to have sex with me.

This tweet is just practice for if I ever have to do a real one.

The smartest thing you could do is not listen to a random stranger on the internet telling you what to do.

I'm sort of a ninja when it comes to nobody ever noticing me.

My girlfriend bought a hair iron that plays mp3s so that she can jam out while accidentally burning herself.

You can tell how much a girl likes you by how much she charges you for sex.

I think for Halloween I'll probably dress up as an adult.

I found a marijuana cigarette in my mouth.

I'd probably give up drinking if they made alcohol in pill form.

People with loud keys are pretty important.

My followers are ok I guess.

I was happy for a second but then it autocorrected itself. (:

I've seen a few inaccuracies in tweets.

I'm not tweeting today out of respect for the fact that I can't come up with a good tweet.

Just because I'm tweeting doesn't mean that me and Megan Fox aren't handgliding in the himalayas. Don't assume!

I'm surprised funeral homes don't offer the shrunken head option.

The inventor of the delete button helps me sleep like a baby.

The real comedian is the egg with 1 follower who rts you.