@Twister1426's (James Twist) most faved Tweets...
The 3 hour late AT&T Tech guy wanted to know what was in my basement. I told him "All the bodies of service guys that showed up late."
Maybe I HAVE lost a lot of followers lately, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with how well my crops are doing in FarmVille.
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North Korea: You can keep the missionary in exchange for never having to see/smell Kimchi again. Thank you, the U.S.
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This holiday season and new year's excitement has put me in a poetic mood. What rhymes with 'stabby' and 'vehicular manslaughter'?
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If Lance Armstrong's teammates don't like him that much, Lance should just take his ball and go home.
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Another monday morning and my shins are finding the sharp edges of all the furniture in my house. As bruisually...
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Neighbors invited me over to see Superbowl. I just thought they got new crystal. Didn't know there were sports 'n' stuff. #suckstobegay
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(rising) "Hello, my name is James. (awkward pause, followed by shufling of feet and fidgeting of hands) And I am a fan of Nickelback."
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Is spraining your ankle while chasing gophers off your neighbor's farm in FarmVille a valid excuse for calling in sick?
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Gee I joined the 'Legion of Christ' and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Oh, and this 11 year-old boy.
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Starbuck's is allowing you to carry firearms inside. Who do I have to shoot to get a Venti Vanilla Soy Latte in here?
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I went to school with @itsjustEm . She used to let me copy her homework and peek down her blouse. So yeah, gay now.
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My son refers to me as A Terrific Man when he introduces me to his friends... when he's alone with them he just uses the anacronym A.T.M.
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Woman pulled over claims powder on mouth was from a sugar donut but tests positive for coke. Don't steal my new business plan Dunkin Donuts!
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