Having sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels

Sweden has the same word for "married" and "poisoned". Well played Sweden. Well played.

Snooki is pregnant? Impossible!! Oranges are seedless.

If you can't stand the tweet, get out of the timeline.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Sorry! We did something wrong. Try stalking that user again in a minute.

If 30 is the new 20, $5 better not be the new $1

#hurriicaneireneplaylist Everyone knows a hurricane only has one 'Eye'

Lmaoo thas fcked up ! http://t.co/1hu6AvoP

Michelle Duggar and husband Jim Bob announce they are expecting 20th child http://t.co/GgFeWpcK New show name 'Fetus Hoarders'

Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol.

I told the Cop to stop following me, he can get a Twitter account like everyone else

You're so vain. I bet you think this tweet is about you. ~ Linda Ronstweet

If Newt got divorced while President, would his ex wife get half of America? #preparethem

Twitter is a drug. You can only do 3 lines at a time. There's a limit to how much you can do a day. And the next day u do it all over again.

Twitter is the world's largest Help Wanted I've ever read.

Since Newt did not see his shadow we now must endure 6 more weeks of Republican debates #preparethem

I wonder if the Mayan calendar had a leap year

Finding gr8 followers is ez with my blog  http://bit.ly/rMAp4n  #TFBJP #SOUGOFOLLOW #HitFollowsTeam #FollowBack #TeamFollowBack #OpenFollow

Finding gr8 followers is ez with my blog  http://bit.ly/rMAp4n  #TFBJP #SOUGOFOLLOW #HitFollowsTeam #FollowBack #TeamFollowBack #OpenFollow