One of the most creative Halloween costumes I've seen: Roy Lichtenstein girl (thx @thejeanmartha) http://t.co/RXKXk802

Say 'beer can' with a British accent.

I just taught you how to say 'bacon' with a Jamaican accent.

You're welcome.

Mubarak has been ousted as mayor of Egypt on @foursquare!

"You thought you had 6 iPhone chargers but now you have none. Bwahahaha." - Apple

And in future news, half the Wall Street protesters leave to buy the new #iPhone.

I am no California radio host but I predict that a record number of children will be conceived tonight! #judgementday

Are Tom Cruise and John Travolta married yet?

All Rapture Merchandise Now 50% Off

Will we be raptured on Eastern Standard Time? If so, I'll will try not to ruin it for you, West Coast. #judgementday #spoileralert

Tomorrow, Facebook will start dragging the Earth into the Sun. Go to Settings > Planetary Settings > Trajectory then UNCLICK 'Apocalypse.'

In my mind, Dexter killed Bin Laden in a plastic-wrapped room after showing him pictures of all his victims.

That moment you've crafted the perfect tweet with -1 characters left and you must decide which awful grammar crime to commit.

RT if you are not doing yoga right now

The vaginas have spoken. Mourdock and Akin are OUT. #election2012

Between FB, Twitter, G+, Spotify, Instagram, foursquare, WWF & Kindle for iPhone, someone remind me to look up when crossing the street.

She sells seashells down by the seashore.
Worst business plan ever.

What texting 'heyyyyy' really means: http://yfrog.com/khts5gqj

Mitt Romney is holding down the app developer and cutting his hair off while his friends laugh. #amercia

Sarah MacLachlan should have enough royalties from 'Angel' to buy all those dogs and set them free

Apple has such a special way of making me feel like a douche for buying the first model of their product. #iPad2