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Psychopath test: “Are your bangs shorter than an inch?”
Who 8 all the pu$$y?
Raising money for my avocados-only restaurant. You like chips & guac? Then go somewhere else. Chips aren't made of avocados.
I think The Situation just valeted my car :(
Maybe I already miss math.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Is enjoying indoor rock climbing recognized as a personality disorder yet?
I bet tonight on How I Met Your Mother, the mom turns out to be no one and Ted is in a mental hospital talking to a pineapple.
When I need a break from work I just put on a sombrero and select Mexico as my location on the fedex website.
Happy Mother's Day to the single mom I'll probably end up marrying.
I'm not a mom but one time I picked the wings off of a housefly so it couldn't leave me.
Happy Mother's Day, mom! I know you can see this because you're secretly stalking me from an anonymous account. Love you!
What is the polite way to bow out of a Skype when the other person IS SOUND ASLEEP
I’ve never seen Rob Lowe’s wiener but I bet it’s awesome.
Really enjoyed Zim Zames, the opener for Yim Yames and Jim James.
"There's no 'u' in 'favourite.'"
I'd love to reach out to a friend in need but unfortunately I'm not friends with losers
IDEA: Some kind of really good canyon.