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  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    If the circles under my eyes get any darker there will be a total eclipse of my face.

    • 339
    • FAVS
    JihadPizzaArroiaFredPollackhamcdonnellCseashellsvonngilmoreHappySicles______Feliciovs
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    PSA: The next person who tells me how many muscles it takes to smile will find out how many muscles it takes to get stuffed in a dumpster.

    • 280
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMeCseashellsArroiaFredPollackHappySicles______Feliciovscoachie007foodandwhining
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Ted_Meier________
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    Drink your coffee, there are sleeping people in Africa.

    • 249
    • FAVS
    MattGergeniKeys_ToMevirginkilla12JihadPizzaFredPollackHappySicles______Feliciovsfoodandwhining
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    wizardjksjennie_zfake_vyvyan__TheAngryOracle
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    How can you tell Twitter was designed by a male? The thumbnail of my picture is NOT centered around my face...

    • 172
    • FAVS
    FredPollacktchastingsMikeJeffJordanragekatineedcoffee5CJRoberts_DMM____CannonKnappBombayHeych
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    If you kill the messenger before they can give you bad news is that a "preemptive strike?" Related: I need a new bathroom scale.

    • 167
    • FAVS
    foodandwhiningtchastingsMikeJeffJordanRossRantsragekatineedcoffee5CJRoberts_DMM____ReelQuinn
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    I am trying to determine how much caffeine will be required to make me a productive human being today, so far the answer is... 'more'.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    izombieiJihadPizzabadkitty_tchastingsMikeJeffJordanCJRoberts_DMM____unstatusfactoryDestilador
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    How much caffeine does it take to turn a zombie into a functioning human being? I'll let you know when I get there...

    • 139
    • FAVS
    vonngilmoretchastingsMikeJeffJordanineedcoffee5BombayHeychsay_my_nameRoadfilm__________PhilDarnowsky
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    According to the newest lists I'm on. I'm a funny blogging member of the vagina mafia out on probation. Shit. I'm awesome!

    • 133
    • FAVS
    tchastingsMikeJeffJordanThisgalheatherlaaahhhrelCJRoberts_DMM____ReelQuinnineedcoffee5CannonKnapp
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    So I was sick for two days and didn't tweet and got several new followers... Guys! I've been doing it wrong!

    • 124
    • FAVS
    tchastingsMikeJeffJordanragekatineedcoffee5CannonKnappRoadfilm__________Alias1on1dietredbull
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    So 'Carpe Diem" means "Seize the Day." How do you say "throw it back" in Latin?

    • 123
    • FAVS
    badkitty_foodandwhiningMikeJeffJordanEignaOTed_Meier________ragekatineedcoffee5CannonKnapp
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    OMG... so. full. Explosion imminent. Tell the pumpkin pie I loved her. Maybe too much.

    • 113
    • FAVS
    ineedcoffee5Roadfilm__________PhilDarnowskydietredbullmeadowsnarkWhooBooLousha_suga__________NoPantsOn
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    Something on my desk just farted. There is nothing alive on my desk. Hold me, I'm scared.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    tchastingsineedcoffee5CJRoberts_DMM____alcoholabethCannonKnappRoadfilm__________PhilDarnowskyAlias1on1
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    No seriously guys. You get a woman a pap smear for Christmas no jury in the world will convict her for your gruesome and painful death. None

    • 109
    • FAVS
    tchastingsThisgalheatherCJRoberts_DMM____CannonKnappRoadfilm__________Alias1on1dietredbullmeadowsnark
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    The problem with having a sane, productive and almost enjoyable Monday is now I have to worry about when the real Monday will strike.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    badkitty_fairlyalarmedineedcoffee5ReelQuinnTwitchingDoubt____Roadfilm__________PhilDarnowskydietredbull
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    How few thoughts do I have to have per hour in order to be considered legally brain dead? I'm asking because... :slump: :Thump: :Drool:

    • 106
    • FAVS
    ineedcoffee5CannonKnappRoadfilm__________dietredbullmeadowsnarkWhooBooLouglobetrottgirltnylgn
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    Does this diet Pepsi make it look like I'd rather be drinking a beer?

    • 104
    • FAVS
    ragekatineedcoffee5greenleigh10CannonKnappTwitchingDoubt____Im_TriciaRoadfilm__________jennapherk______
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    I shot the server... but I did not shoot the DBA...

    • 94
    • FAVS
    stuffalexwritesdocsmoothCannonKnappDeconilenabheredietredbullKAH4553Cutlerish
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    docsmooth
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    SOooo, Haagen Daaz has Brown Sugar flavored ice cream. It is wonderful, and I think it would go really well with bacon.

    • 95
    • FAVS
    laaahhhrelCJRoberts_DMM____Roadfilm__________DeconilenabheredietredbullmeadowsnarkWhooBooLou
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    Does anyone have a spork? My eyes itches.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    JihadPizzastuffalexwritesEignaOineedcoffee5CannonKnappRoadfilm__________dietredbulltnylgn
  • Tymethief
      Tymethief @Tymethief

    Sunday is that boring guy at work who wants to give you a 3 hour description of his gall bladder surgery.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    ragekatEignaOineedcoffee5CannonKnappdietredbullNFS2912KAH4553FlyoverJoel
@Tymethief

@Tymethief

Moving through Entropy... while testing software remotely for a company in East Tucson. http://ramblingsofanoftenabsentmind.blogspot.com/