I fucking hate Facebook.

I think the people at CapriSun are @salgovernale fans. http://t.co/LcYmc0oR

Fuck taking the high road. It uses more gas.

I'd rather have wifi than food.

ProperModulation #HowardSternPasswords

Musculature #HowardSternPasswords

Chemtrails Chemtrails and Chembombs Cause Hurricane Isaac to Change Course http://t.co/SgXbzjzY via @sharethis

I wish we could put a moratorium on people tweeting links to their Facebook pages.

Twitter would have been great when I used to do coke.

Did we ever figure out what's wrong with Seal's face?

Nothing says thank you like #goodhead.

The worst part is when the buzz starts to wear off and regret sinks in.

I'm still trying to work out how I would say, "These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

Do guys really think the words "doggie style" are hot? I implore you, go with "from behind" instead.

AreYouShaved #HowardSternPasswords

V2K: Voice to Skull #MindControl #Microwave #NWO  http://goo.gl/JPqCg  via @censorednewsnow

The worst part about giving a guy a great blow job is that it immediately becomes evident that you've sucked a lot of dicks.

But really, why don't we see a schedule? Maybe we're not paying enough. @sternshow

Get high. Eat. Masturbate.Take a nap. Repeat.

It is so surreal to hear #Bababooey's during #AGT. I love the collision of the two worlds.