Russell Brand is dating Geri Halliwell! Here's an artists impression of what their child would look like!! http://t.co/S5nkLACi

Antony Worrall Thompson arrested for shoplifting? Ready Steady Crook.

Trends like "Proud of Cher Lloyd" and "My Baby's Nearly 18" make me ask, can we not have a version of twitter for post-pubescents?

Lord Sugar has been accused of 'sexing up' The #Apprentice by hiring attractive candidates! I see what they mean... pic.twitter.com/3WdVsoXQlj

Tulisa is FHM's sexiest woman in the world?! She isn't even the sexiest woman in N-Dubz!!!

As UKIP is trending, I thought it was important to examine their Venn Diagram again... pic.twitter.com/rlcvQddzNK

An honest UKIP poster... pic.twitter.com/Fr60FOLA6e

This is wrong on so many levels.... pic.twitter.com/8E8uktEmTz

Romney win is great, as long as you're not:
• In the bottom 47% of earners
• The owner of a vagina
• Gay
• A minority
• Remotely intelligent

Justin Bieber says he'll "never return to the UK"! Hard not to be a bit patriotic at moments like this.

#PornHasTaughtMe the ridiculously huge difference between 0 and 1 on a TV volume

Lily Allen's baby's name is 'Ethel Cooper' it's unfortunate she'll have to wait 75 years for it to suit her.

Adele has a word with Chris Brown at #TheGrammys pic.twitter.com/GfnVAfyM

Tension in the Falkland Islands, violence in Northern Ireland and a Tory government fucking over the vulnerable? My 80's time machine works!

George Osborne's moment of grief... #thatcherfuneral pic.twitter.com/un44AqLTgZ

Jeremy Hunt is the new Health Secretary. He called the NHS a "60 year mistake" and believes in homeopathy! I wouldn't get ill for a bit.

Still obsessed with '50 Shades of Grey'? This is the writer and her 'Christian Grey' ....yeah.... back to work. http://t.co/Xi6aZSmz

#asklittlemix I've done this photo for you! Will you use it as your tour poster? #littlemuffins http://t.co/CEHw8QjZ

Samantha Brick says being fat means you're a failure, but her career shows you don't have to be fat to be one #thismorning

I'm sad that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing! It was the age-old love story of beautiful girl meets aging closet homosexual :-(