@godisnotrealbro how dare you talk badly about America!!!! Nah I'm kidding this country is embarrassing.

I want my bed to be a Cinnabon.

Did someone shoot Chris Brown yet?

@pimpbillclinton Tony Gonzales & Brodie Croyle hit the jackpot!! Need me one of those.

@pimpbillclinton The 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th , & 10th are the sexiest

Shut up

Blah

When was the last time we all had sex.

#ImNotLooking for anything right now, I didn't misplace anything

Girls are nice to look at

There's like a thousand people working at the Mac store

I've been spending so much time on Twitter, I forgot the internet has porn.

#10attractivepeopleifollow @imgiiftid @goskinnybitches @halogirl81 @truvikesfan

@thefunnyracist everyone knows these are JOKES. Anyone sending you hate mail is a pussy.

I hate giving girls compliments!

"You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry"

Life gets soooo complicated when you graduate high school.

I like whales

Can I shit on my boss

Highschool boys know how to fit into tight clothes but not how to do an oil change smh