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Let's break stereotypes and put the most intelligent ppl in a short bus. #uselesschanges
When kids ask me if they can eat something that fell on the ground, I ask them to think what Jesus would do. Then they eat it. #miniathiests
@katharinenowlan you're too highlarious. No really... like... you must be high right now
Coat check is not responsible for stolen or lost items. I have zero trust in this system.
That slam poetry was slammin' like how I wanna be with some next girl right now #tripsy
I'm going to start masturbating with each stroke being a drum beat. That way it will seem meaningful when the jizz comes out for a finale.
The only thing that's more attractive than girls who draw fake beards on their faces is absolutely everything.
It's easy to scream "Get a room!" to two people feeling eachother up. What do you say if they're homeless beggers though?
The extent of my originality is having the ability to say happy birthday slightly differently on facebook to those who share the same b-day.
"You look so familiar! Oh ya! I remember now I creeped your profile on facebook before."-Future normal talk.
It's all fun and games until you meet up with that anonymous person you met in a sex chat and they don't even have a lower body.
What's the key to a guy's heart you ask? Manipulation. A girl that can manipulate her way to my heart has the best chance above all.
"I know where babies cum from but where do they come from!?" -6 year old surprising the shit out of his mom.
Just a guy enjoying life before erectile dysfunction kicks in.
