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You spend most of your time thinking about having, and then a fella dies and reminds you that the essence lies on being.
Chuck Norris my ass. The only reason he's still alive is because he's affraid of squaring things up with Bruce Lee.
Your wife hates moustaches, your clients hate beards and you're bald. Grow a tree.
At the supermarket buying jelly gums & popcorn when the cashier stares at me & ask: "evening with the kids?" Me "only the inner one, ma'am".
Just cooked my wife the best #IWD lunch, and now she's ready to worship my manhood for the rest of the year.
Looking beautiful in one simple step: go around with ugly friend. Same logic if you need to look thinner or smarter.
Well, the optimists believe that people will have to eat shit very soon. The pessimists on the other hand believe the shit won't be enough.
Stronzo n.m. [pl. -i] ( volg.) 1 solid excrement cylindrical shaped 2 [f. -a; pl. -e] ( fig.) stupid person, hateful, normaly boss shaped.
Some days life's a bitch. Some other days it gives you chocolate & wine in a mid afternoon - meaning "get ready, I'll slap you again soon."
I must agree with my mom. Sometimes a kick in the ass is everything you need to walk forward.
How to wish a happy birthday to someone you have to, but don't really care about: merry xmas.
Just saw this ad: everyone is atheist towards other people's gods. F*cking brilliant!
Voices! No, leave me alone! You're a product of my imagination and I ain't cooking for you too!
I hate this hour of the night. Everybody is either snoring or complaining about insomnia.
Crudo, rucola e parmigiano, straight from the oven @weareping http://instagr.am/p/WiDwTnRkUh/
Chef. Pirate. Carjacker. Rodeo clown. Fighting chronic insanity since 1980.
