I'm not a man of faith by any means. But that doesn't mean I don't pray daily for some sort of cat holocaust.

Once. Just once, I'd like to see Tom get one over on Jerry. That mouse is a little asshole.

Finally saw This Wrestling Life last night. Very well done. Kudos to @stephengillis. @smacwrestling and @billytwitty stole the show.

My 3 year old says "guess what?" more than Sandy in Memphis.

"God hates tags" - Westboro Baptist Church graffiti prevention manager

@ryanlostintx Does that mean your dad looks like Joe Flacco too?

@rights_of_bill @pinkvalkyrie Ever thought of changing your handle to @WalkoffROB ? That'll probably get you mentioned.

Canada's underpants. @itsmemikec @mchuskereniry @smileyyyc

Two days into my vacation time and I've already lost track of what day it is. This is the way vacation should be.

@brianbeckner ALERT! ALERT! Possible fact fodder for tomorrow.  http://m.tmz.com/article_head.ftl?id=http://www.tmz.com/2012/11/15/wnba-chamique-holdsclaw-arrested-gunshot-gun-fight-girlfriend/ …

Pumpkin is NOT food people. It is a decoration. That's it. Do you eat your Christmas tree when you're done with that as well?

Field Of Steroids #FuckOff "@josecanseco: Field of dreams part 2. Me McGwire palmeiro manny bonds come out of corn field for one last shot.

I have two cats. I hate my two cats.

@brianbeckner Just mentioned this unfortunate fact to my wife. Her reply? "Well that ought to be funny" . BLOCKED!

Almost every night my wife intoduces me to a new "worst show ever".

I've got a hankering for some soft pore corn.

@brianbeckner Don't forget about us. /s/ People who call it "melk".

@privateeyedaho Tattoo : "Look boss, da plane! Da plane! " God : "That's not a plane, that's an angel, you stupid little midget fuck"

@gregvegas #My600lbCheerleader?

@travisrodgers Lin is the newest knick, that makes him the best. How long till D'Antoni tells Melo he no longer has strong takes?