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#FatBands Macaroon 5
Worst Passwords of 2011 "SnookisVagina" - Error: This Password's already been taken. Numerous times.
"Dark Knight Rises: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theater." #failedslogans
It's a hoot to watch kids' reactions at Mr. Potato Head eyes, mouth & arms on a plate of mashed potatoes & telling'em there was an accident
#scarymovierulestoliveby No, that dark foreboding house along an empty country road does not have a phone you can use.
#scarymovierulestoliveby That old homeless crazy warning you not to go in there? Listen to him. He's not crazy.
#scarymovierulestoliveby Never ask the questions "What do you want from me?" "Why are you doing this?" "What are you?" & "Is anyone there?"
Gary Coleman died of a brain hemmorhage. Well, that's somewhat of a Dif'rent Stroke....
Best thing about Arkansas? Hearing little kids ask their mommies and daddies for "Asscream" cone.
Now you lay you down to sleep. You pray the Lord your soul to keep. If you get laid before you wake. I have to thank those roofies you take.
One of Life's Mysteries: Texting drunk, you're bound to make an ass of yourself. Tweet drunk, you'll border on sheer brilliance. Go figure.
Think I'll start my own line of underwear and I'll call them Junk Drawers.
Dear Mark Zuckerberg, Congrats on your $100B IPO. I never once paid any attention to any of your advertisers. Signed, Everyone.
If you're feeling down about your career, just remember Jennifer Aniston once starred in "Leprechan." Oh, and "The Bounty Hunter."
So. Do strippers keep their money in a pole vault?
I've begun spray painting wiggly red lines underneath all the misspelled graffiti. Let's get this right, people!
Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Jack fell onto a candlestick. And the ER doctor is like, "riiiiight..."
How long before we discover the 7.4 earthquake in New Zealand was actually the Balrog battling it out with Gandalf....
"My God. It's full of bars...." - Christopher Hitchens' final words. R.I.P.
When I said I was planning on drinking less, I meant water.