Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you have a problem with gays in the military I suggest you grow some balls and take their place.
Hey white girls that run into other white girls they know in public CALM THE FUCK DOWN
Porn is bullshit. How do they have sex without the fitted sheet popping off?
Every Taylor Swift song sounds like a long drawn out Facebook status
When she texts me one word answers I think:
1. Is she mad at me
2. Is she busy
3. OMG ARE HER HANDS FULL OF DICK :(
Guys that only retweet girls thinking it will get them laid are the same ones that think the stripper really likes them
How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
If a gay guy doesn't write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaaaayyyy" I'll be disappointed
When a guy tries to talk to me while at a urinal I instantly slide over and start pissing in his urinal too. See how friendly he really is
I'm like the fat girl you used to fuck in high school. You will star my tweets but won't tell anyone about me. Well guess what, I'm pregnant
To show a girl I'm not a psycho I take pics of me holding a pillow over her face while she sleeps to show what I could've done. But I'm nice
My son got 5 out of 10 stars on a test and when I asked him why he scored so low he said "it's more stars then u get online".
What a dick
Never tell a joke about a midget. They can come back to bite you on the ass
My son: do kids that get bullied go to college?
Me: no they go to the police academy
Michael J Fox and Muhammad Ali text convo:
Try and use the slip and slide without getting it wet first and then you'll understand why foreplay is important
If intercourse feels anything like when I put a q-tip in my ear I envy you ladies
Hey guys, if she has to guess how you feel about her then you suck
My signature move is being able to find my clothes after sex even with mace in my eyes
Home is where the heart is but her arms legs and head are in my trunk
hacked hacketty hacked. I loves you. muah! love, @snapperdoo