@verlieren your tweets get me through the day ... #awardwinning 👏🙌

the Virgin Mary was actually impregnated by Nick Cave's voice

Science teachers are just bitter they didn't do something real with their degrees, right?

Your relationship drama makes me roll my eyes so hard I look like Ian Curtis.

@verlieren I'm so sorry, Stephanie.

Happy Valentine's day, Oedipus.

I'm an Anthropologiest. I study why some cultures pay $152 for sweatpants.

I opened my window and there's a mariachi concert going on, but help because I live in the whitest neighborhood in America

Girls who understand 'Game of Thrones' & aren't pretending make me feel inadequate.

So glad I don't have to worry about being proposed to via flash mob.

@verlieren meu mundo virou. life: weirdest rollercoaster ever.

@verlieren U SO DARK N TWISTD U A BLACK LIQOURICE TWITTERELLA PRINCESS IMA TWEET U 2 DA BITTA END

@verlieren on par with your mom. Cool.

@verlieren I'm a doof

@verlieren I'm sure you say that to all the boys.

looking through old photos of my mom. pardon the dust, but look at this babe. pic.twitter.com/QoPKFIDoGk

"Can I interest you in another MOMosa?" - genius waiter somewhere, probably

All the Mother's Day cards sold out? No problem. Just get creative: pic.twitter.com/GmWUPYtHL3

I love my mom pic.twitter.com/HT2dAqbeqS

Hi dads how are you doing today are you being kind to the mother of your children or are you resenting every fiber of her being