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We need anti-Christian missionaries to go overseas and let those poor tribal societies know those other white people were just kidding.
How many bottles of wine during pregnancy makes the baby retarded? Asking for your mom.
One person's trash is another person's daughter.
I should have videotaped my cat tripping balls over the printer. If it had pants, it would have shit them.
Don't lie. Drama is the only interesting part of human interaction.
Yeah OK we get it, Marilyn Monroe was hot 70 years ago. So was racism and lynching. Get with the times. Lose some fucking weight.
If you guys were drunk on twitter as often as you say you are, alcohol would have sold out on the planet by last week.
Americans who accidentally get our change: You know the Canadian one is worth more than yours now, right.
Places that don't serve breakfast the whole day: Do you even WANT customers, or?
Left my computer on all night and some of you guys tweets are permanently burned into my screen. How do I fix this.
We have so much Gonorrhea in Alberta that medication no longer works on it. Good job guys.
Oil industry made your car, your phone, your computer, your house, your clothes, your shoes, your life. What are you ready to give up.
I need to follow more people who have no other followers so I know for sure their subtweets are about me.
My shoes would sell for more than your kid would on the black market.
What if something bigger than humans thought it was totally normal to stick a monkey up your ass and then cook you. Why are we so fucked up.
Could get a few hundred for my wrecked car. Or do doughnuts in an empty lot til the tranny blows and burn it to the ground.
Be thankful we live in a place where it's hard to attract even a semi-functional male. The alternative is constant rape or arranged marriage
Given a free-for-all society I'd kill a LOT of people. But way more want to kill me so...let's not do that.
Canadian Career woman in Oil Country. Living the #ChildFree dream.