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Dear Self esteem: why are you all kinds of terrible?
Saying you're Ass Man or a Boob Man doesn't seem to freak girls out as much as saying your a Kidney Man or Eye Man. #doublestandards
I think the expression "two birds with one stone" should evolve for our generation to "all pigs with one bird"
i prefer not to see it as "losing" followers but "DE-Gaining" losers
I just saw a Pigeon walk across the street ON a crosswalk. Day. Complete.
Blame Vinnie. #blamevinnie #sadisticgameshows
Who needs the arms of a woman. When I have the sheets of my bed
i am fast....like a pregnant chick #badanalogies
Your Scars make you Beautiful. The Melody of your soul is your pain. It's plain to Me. You are more than your Skin and Bones
You're Perfect, because you're not
Every 20 mins a child is diagnosed with a mustache
screaming your name from my balcony doesnt seem as literary powerful as screaming from the rooftops...even tho the two are only 8 feet apart
MONCTON. I am in you.. Shhhh don't tell anyone
Napped for 2 hrs on the highway. Disappointingly not raped
Dear Alternate World. Pls make Lando Calrissian a district attorney. Signed ... Oh wait nm u did.. In Batman (1989). Thx
If I drove a scooter would you love me more?
Pancakes, Sex and Jack Daniels the trident of a perfect morning
Like Halley's Comet, my maturity hurtles through space, gracing Earth's atmosphere only once every 76 years