Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I bet I have way more followers* than you!!
In some other life, I’m a smoker.
Calm down guys named Tyler
I just took such a big shit it messed my hair up.
The illegal downloading of music will eventually cause any city that is built upon rock and/or roll to fall into the ocean...
OMG a male stripper dressed as a cop is pulling me over right now in a real cop car! Exciting!!! I'm gonna get some dollar bills ready!
there really aren't enough ways for me to explain how little we care about your "warrior" tattoo.
Hey Air Force, paint your spy planes blue. You're welcome.
"Get your freak on" by Missy Elliot sounds more like "Get your free cone" and now I want Baskin Robbins.
Billy Joel can give you a nutsack ack ack ack ack ack…
No one likes a know it all... I would know.
Pretty amazing how people who take pictures of their feet at the beach still have friends.
The Little Mermaid is sushi by now...
If I didn't want you in my dreams, why the fuck would I want you in my car...
I'm sick of my jokes playing hard to get.
Good choice, people who choose to RT my best tweets over my recent tweets. Save us both the embarrassment.
I like reading tweets Thursday nights, because in Australia it’s Friday night and they’re fucken drunk.
Semi pro tip: Pretend you’re not enjoying yourself on here or the cool kids will pick on you.