Fuck me like I'm under warranty.

When the heart hurts,
the liver gets punished

I don't procrastinate.

I strategically reschedule.

Should probably have a soul before you start looking for a mate.

I offered you a shoulder to cry on not a soul to suck dry.

Knowledge is my weapon of choice in a battle of wits.

I see you brought ignorance.

'What the fuck was I thinking?' are the best memories.

Military Phonetic Alphabet:
Alpha
Bravo
Charlie

Twitter Phonetic Alphabet:
Anal
Bacon
Cunt

It's not easy being a fucking ray of goddamn sunshine.

Keep your friends close,
your enemies in coffins,
your charger on you at all times.

Girls just wanna have fun.

Women know how.

When it rains I think of him.

Any day now his shallow grave will be discovered.

You're so cute when you think your opinion matters.

A real man will dry your tears & moisten your thighs.

I miss the romance behind a hand written letter.

Conversations should not last longer than a cigarette.

There are four possible answers to all questions.

Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Fuck you.

Being a responsible adult is a load of fucking bullshit some days.

Every time you RT,some lucky guy gets his cock sucked by an angel.

There's blunt force trauma at the end of my patience.