I'm at that awkward age where I don't want my parents to tell me what to do, but I still want them to pay for things.... #vv #mc

#FemaleLies 1. I'm almost ready 2. I'm leaving now 3. I'm really not that drunk 4. I'm not going to text him!! 5. I love you, too. #vv #mc

Exercise like Ryan Gosling is going to see you naked. #vv #mc

Maybe one day we can look back on this and say, "If Amanda Bynes made it through 2013, you can make it through today." #newbritney

Facebook stalk like no one's watching, kiss like your man is Channing Tatum, and diet like you're seeing your ex tomorrow. #vv #mc

My favorite thing about pants is not wearing them.

Yo #Kimye's fetus, I'm real happy for you; Imma let you finish. But Mason Disick is the cutest Kardashian kid of all time! #vv #kj

I want abs. But I also want cake. #vv #mc

Sometimes the things that hurt us the worst are the things we love the most. Like douchebags. And tequila. #vv #mc

Always have your nails painted and your eyes lined because even if you don't have your shit together, you'll at least look like you do. #mc

"Ew, Channing Tatum, put your shirt back on." - said no one, ever. #vv #kj

If you wear an outfit, but no pictures went on Facebook, did you really wear the outfit? #vv #kj

Happy 236th birthday, America! You don't look a day over 21, you sexy betch. #vv #kj

Does running from my problems count as cardio?

Wait. So Blake Lively not only stole my potential husband, but she also got married in the house from The Notebook? That bitch. #vv #mc

Some things in life aren't always fair. Like Luke Bryan not being your boyfriend, and cake having calories.

If your name is Ryan, I'd probably fuck you. #gosling #reynolds #lochte #vv #mc

Everything I want in life is either fattening, an asshole, or on backorder.

I got 99 problems, so I think I'll just take a nap and worry about them later. #vv #mc

#ThingsINeverGetTiredOfSeeing Ryan Gosling's abs, Mean Girls, Clueless, vodka in my freezer, Starbucks in my cupholder. #vv #mc