I'm not gay but I support their "agenda" - working, having a family, living in safety and fair, equal treatment.
Pretty radical shit.

I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.

Your face is just fine. You just have to put a bag over that personality.

If I had a dime for every time I said "If I had a nickel," I'd have twice as much theoretical money.

If President Obama walked on water, his critics would say "see he can't even swim."

God hates gays! But he's apparently very fond of self righteous hypocritical hate mongers who cheat on their spouses and rape children. Amen

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

I've been clean and sober since 2013.

If you ever have a great tweet that goes unnoticed, remember people eat at McDonald's, Palin ran for VP and Snooki is famous. Feel better?

How come EVERYONE who dies is the "best person ever."
For once I'd like to read an obituary "John was a real asshole who deserved to die!

WANTED: Call center workers with very weak english, poor communication skills and short temper needed for major bank. Bonus paid for low IQ.

You never see a guy named Abdul at a rodeo. And you'll never find a guy named Sebastian living in a trailer park. This is science.

Sarah Palin's new book is called "Undefeated." On a related note, Casey Anthony's new book is coming out soon. Titled: Joys of Motherhood.

Newt Gingrich says he could never support gay marriage. Why not ? It's the only one he hasn't tried.

For only pennies a day, you can put one of these fat fucks on a diet. A dollar will get one obese American their insulin. - TV Ad in Africa.

Our dog likes to fuck the shit out of one particular teddy bear. It's a ragged, fat, brown bear that's all chewed up. We've named it Snooki.

I've talked about myself ENOUGH already. You guys talk about me now.

Ever been kissing your dog's belly and accidently kissed his dink? Me neither.

Once Lance Armstrong disappears for good, cycling can take it's rightful place alongside bowling and lawn darts.

There's nothing more guns or Jesus won't cure. UNLESS it's unemployment, healthcare, intolerance or the national debt. Except those things.