Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm not gay but I support their "agenda" - working, having a family, living in safety and fair, equal treatment.
Pretty radical shit.
I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.
Your face is just fine. You just have to put a bag over that personality.
If I had a dime for every time I said "If I had a nickel," I'd have twice as much theoretical money.
If President Obama walked on water, his critics would say "see he can't even swim."
God hates gays! But he's apparently very fond of self righteous hypocritical hate mongers who cheat on their spouses and rape children. Amen
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
If you ever have a great tweet that goes unnoticed, remember people eat at McDonald's, Palin ran for VP and Snooki is famous. Feel better?
How come EVERYONE who dies is the "best person ever."
For once I'd like to read an obituary "John was a real asshole who deserved to die!
WANTED: Call center workers with very weak english, poor communication skills and short temper needed for major bank. Bonus paid for low IQ.
For only pennies a day, you can put one of these fat fucks on a diet. A dollar will get one obese American their insulin. - TV Ad in Africa.
You never see a guy named Abdul at a rodeo. And you'll never find a guy named Sebastian living in a trailer park. This is science.
Once Lance Armstrong disappears for good, cycling can take it's rightful place alongside bowling and lawn darts.
There's nothing more guns or Jesus won't cure. UNLESS it's unemployment, healthcare, intolerance or the national debt. Except those things.
My sleep number is .08
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Whoever said "he's only a dog" obviously never owned a dog.
I'm watching golf on TV. Later I'll count my paper clip collection. After, I'll go through the phone book and cross off the dead people.
Praying. Because "god" is indecisive and can be persuaded to change his mind.
I like to retweet funny people every four or five tweets so every 4 or 5 of my tweets will be funny.
Surgeon and a judge. Yes a judge too. I also have a mic ~ http://voiceofgarth.com