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@VulpineVixen's (Melissa) most faved Tweets...
VulpineVixen
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
When I feel all alone it comforts me to think of the 238 friends that following me.

But when I'm masturbating, it feels a little crowded.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
My ex-boyfriend wanted to toss my salad and I never let him. Which makes me feel bad because I always liked it when his brother did it.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
When I'm at an ATM and there is someone waiting behind me, I sometimes scream, Oh my God, I Won! I Won! when the money comes out.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
You are a douche bag if you retweet yourself.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
Apparently it's inappropriate to make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
When I'm bored with a conversation, I like to continually interrupt and say "Do you hear that? Never mind, its gone now."
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, and yes is the answer.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
Ladies, the key to having a happy husband is, 1) have lots of sex, and 2) talk less.
@VulpineVixen
VulpineVixen
I love the 'We Are the World' video, w/ all the celebrities singing in a high class studio wearing diamonds w/ clips of the kids in poverty.
@VulpineVixen
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VulpineVixen
Not all men are fools, some are bachelors.
@VulpineVixen
14
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VulpineVixen
In college I would burn all my waste paper while eyeing my roommate suspiciously.
@VulpineVixen
14
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VulpineVixen
Honey, I haven't been ignoring you, I've been prioritizing you.
@VulpineVixen
13
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VulpineVixen
No one dies a virgin, life screws us all.
@VulpineVixen
13
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VulpineVixen
If you try and don't succeed, immediately destroy all evidence of your attempt.
@VulpineVixen
12
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VulpineVixen
It gives the oral sex or else it gets the hose.
@VulpineVixen
12
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VulpineVixen
#i'mthankfulfor sex, drugs, and my Twitter.
@VulpineVixen
11
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VulpineVixen
I've been in front of my laptop for most of the day, feeling wasted. *opens a bottle of wine*
@VulpineVixen
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joeschmittTony_E_NCiamnotdiddyMrBigFistsm1key_m00nrbokdrewmonge56thoughtsDoanDoDatbedheadblondeCroweJam
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