No time for church. Went and got communion from drive thru window. Host with the most.

#NBAAllStar Nick Cannon hosting the entire show. He is like a black Ryan Seacrest. Only with a lot more talent.

Andy Griffith died? I thought he died 25 years ago. Is Aunt Bea still alive? If not they gotta be rippin' it up in heaven...RIP

North Korea announced today that platform shoes are now legal. Nothing sexier than a starving woman sashaying her way through the bread line

Anderson Cooper announced that he was gay today. In other news, he let everyone know that July is a hot month and that he has gray hair.

The guy going camping with his 4 buddies only to find out the are bringing their wives NEEDS TO FIND NEW FRIENDS and canoe lessons

#nba the bad news is that #OKC can't beat the #Spurs. The good news is that the #Heat won't be able to beat the Spurs either.

@tcovs @dohst_steppin ARE YOU 2 OUT OF YOUR MINDS? You are arguing about SNEAKERS. When you both have 57 pairs. ON GOOD FRIDAY?!! Coach Bill

@ewasserfall @robfee great head tat though. Although now it's probably a bullseye for the worms

I wanted the Republicans to get hit by famine and pestilence but I guess a hurricane will have to do

My 16 year old daughter just told me she doesn't want to go to college in the south or "where it is too racist". Maybe I did something right

@fluffysuse you had me at "self-portrait in front of mirror with hello kitty camera and cute hair". Probably a guy thing lol

#clemens. Jury just came back and confirmed that while not guilty, he is an absolute jackass.

@tiempodefemi yup. So right. Like the coward Lebron not being willing to go Broadway alone and being Robin to Wade's Batman.

#phil jackson blasting the knicks now that they didn't want him? Gotta rip the girl after she dumps you or turns you down. He is a loser

#nba spoelstra is like the kid who gets the keys to his dad's ferrari and keeps driving it up against a tree. He is a mess

#nba Ginobili whispering to Harden "I only let you borrow the 6th man award this year". Harden looks lost and rattled

#nba. Celtics hard to like. Miami even harder. If they play in Eastern conf finals, I will be rooting for a flesh eating bacteria outbreak

#knicks so inconsistently brutal. But playing mike bibby at the point. He is so old he is wearing headband to cover liver spots on his head

@kmbaldau @vaginarcissist @jazmasta mine would be better without the breathless stuttering lisp. Working on it. Keep killin it and TX