I can't stop drinking about you.

The tears of a clown and tears of a Walmart Manager are no different. Except the clown has better dental coverage and much brighter future.

I need a woman who enjoys long romantic walks in the liqour store.

Tweet like you want to be blocked.

I hate when the only way I can prove someone's wrong is by stabbing them.

I don't work out or eat right because I don't have any long term plans of feeling better about myself.

This DiGiorno pizza tastes like I don't get paid until next week.

Sometimes I don't delete a tweet with low stars out of sheer stubbornness that it was really fucking funny and you cunts are just stupid .

What the fuck are you talking about?-me helping customers.

I think I would be much funnier if I was racist. But I got my hands full just hating myself.

Some people think I use the word fuck too much. Fuck them.

Let's play a game. I'm thinking of a number between one and go fuck yourself.

There's a "u" in cunt and you know why.

Everyday I make a person laugh hysterically on Twitter. And everyday that person is only me.

People who drink but don't get drunk? What the fucks wrong with you?

I would rather soak my testicles in barbecue sauce and dangle them over pitbulls face then return back to work tomorrow.

The first rule about our vodka club is you will tell everyone about our vodka club. Misery loves drunken company.

In 3 days millions of camel toe showing, teeth missing , spandex wearing, cheetos eating, gunt packing mongrels will stampede Walmart.

If you offered me 10 fine looking Ho's or 10 shots of Vodka. I'm gonna pick the shots. Because after 10 shots, all you Ho's be looking fine.

If I meet the teacher who told me I could be anything I wanted when I grow up. I'm going to slap the fuck out of her with my Walmart badge.