@Wardotron's (Alan Invaders III) most faved Tweets...
Just once I would like there to be a horse standing outside when I vault out of the upstairs window, and not a fucking flowerbed.
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Of course, the only things I actually have in common with a tyrannosaurus are withered arms and the prodigious consumption of meat.
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Another Twitter feature I require is a little button to tell you what people are doing when they're not Twittering.
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My motto is to live with a foot in the gutter, an eye on the stars, the other foot half out the door and trousers at half mast.
5
People complain that my cooking is tasteless. Yesterday I baked a cake in the shape of a giant cock. Everyone's a critic.
5
Well below the penis are two dangly things, covered in hair and with skin of a loose texture... Oh no, I'm talking bollocks.
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You keep on knocking but you can't come in. Oh okay you can, but only if you take your pants off first.
3
Spent most of the car journey home saying "Do ya like ma tits?" to myself in a faux-Scottish accent.
3
Regarding this new Apple tablet launched next week, all I want to know is: will it be administered orally or rectally?
3
Someone glancing through the office window just caught me dancing to Daft Punk like a shiny French funk-robot.
3
Being as widely read as I am, I can say with authority that the greatest story I have ever read... is not as good as internet pornography.
3
I used www.friendorfollow.com to do my Twitter housekeeping. Useful for weeding out people you think are following you, but aren't.
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