@warriorhauswife I woulda been your daddy but the cell beat me to the magnifying glass #organisminsults

For the record, I like the new Daft Punk. But there are moments of: oh, THIS is what Mannheim Steamroller does the rest of the year.

Facebook: Amazing Day! So Thankful! I'm so blessed with friends and family.
Twitter: Day's over. Masturbated, got drunk, pills, killed a bum

Don't CC me on an email. Either email me or don't.

I would totally cast Kim Jong-Un as Augustus Gloop.

@warriorhauswife What's not to like??  http://instagram.com/p/YW6uqRnADV/ 

The guy at Trader Joe's who just sold me four bottles of Jameson seemed genuinely concerned about me.

My mind is like Pandora but for regret.

ICYMI, this was my personal take on the horrible events yesterday in Boston  http://mikegianella.blogspot.com/2013/04/boston-massachusetts-april-15-2013.html …

I bet Wes Anderson would be on Twitter if you could tweet from an ugly old hat.

I guess I'm gonna just embrace the truth of I DON'T KNOW SHIT. #fuckin'ay

some of my earlier thoughts on #Ebert.  http://nyti.ms/17fDkQ0 
now more sad than analytical.

Animals with human-like faces should have to pay Social Security.

Making Willem Dafoe the good guy needlessly confuses things.

I
Think
Twitter
Allowing
Line
Breaks
Is
A
Huge
Mistake
For
Reasons
Like
This
Right
Here.
I
Still
Have
13
Characters
Left
Too.

Tell your friends to follow @msnnow. New followers through Thurs. are entered to win an Xbox 360 w/Kinect! Rules:  http://on-msn.com/YUEIlp 

@msnnow Oh seriously: please let me #date & get #drunk w/whoever writes ur snarky, mean, evil WONDERFUL #headlines because I LOVE THEM!!

Stop allegedly doing things, alleged criminals.

Nicolas Cage Hairstyle Whiteboard, Draw Him a New Hairdo with a Dry Erase Marker  http://wp.me/p4t6s-13uU 

This tweet is gonna be Legen...



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Bazinga.