best teacher at westside. pic.twitter.com/RxIFUYUy

Boys don't understand girls wear yoga pants and leggings because we're lazy as fuck. It's just a coincidence they make us look good.

how to not be a twitter n00b: pic.twitter.com/E8BKkJ1i

@itsgarytime "and I was like, 'EMILIOOOOO!!!'"

it's 2012 and republicans still exist

People who use "gay" and "faggot" in their everyday vocabulary are seriously so ignorant. Just shut up.

acknowledge this tweet for your own special copy of my spring 2013 playlist.

My mom just texted me this pic http://t.co/paEb40p0

http://t.co/CVVBjjKs

UNL doesn't count as "getting out of Omaha".

OMAHA RESIDENTS: FLYING WORM - THIS SATURDAY - ENTIRE STORE - 50% OFF. GO GET THAT SHIT and buy me something nice for letting you know

There are two types of cell phones in this society: iPhones and everything else.

I love how everyone in Omaha always tweets where speed traps are. We all have each other's back.

it's 2012 and people are still following love quote accounts on twitter.

it's 2012 and nickelback hasn't been assassinated

That awkward moment when you remember everything from science class and realize you're more than just skin and bones. @kaseyroar

ADDERALL IS GREAT.

I don't know if I'm tired all the time or just sad.

you just have to figure out which you hate more: working out or being fat

it's 2012 and hot topic hasn't gone bankrupt