Got a flirtatious msg from an ex. He's married now. Do men really not understand how pathetic that makes them look?

I would love to meet the first man who blew into a Nintendo cartridge. I wonder if he knows how revolutionary he really is.

Why do women vocalists make funnier faces than men?

New life goal: use boom chicka wow wow in a pickup line. And not get laughed at.

@therabidbuni well played rabidbuni, well played.

Oh shit. I think I just ate someone's spirit animal for lunch.

Whatever happened to cooties? I'm expecting an epidemic soon and it won't be pretty. Consider yourselves warned.

It's official. Twitter has replaced newspapers in bathrooms across the globe.

How to save a life
#inappropriatefuneralsongs

you look wonderful tonight #inappropriatefuneralsongs

Fuck sleep. Who needs it.
(I'm playing hard to get but desperately hoping that sleep comes back to me)

Twitter stars tweets for me. Most of the time they are tweets I would actually star if given the chance. Smart twitter?

Are people on reality tv shows really as stressed as they seem? I have one question..... Why?

I haven't had a good night's sleep since I joined twitter. I'm always worried that I'm missing something funny. I miss sleep.

Do I need to buy you a drink before I ask you to star fuck me?

When I get enough followers I'm going to start the first twitter wave. It'll be better than the ones at baseball games. I'm cool like that

@fsusteve 'your' proof that it was money well spent

I vote that @slyoung5 brings dessert to the next twitter pot luck

Shit. When did I cross the 100 follower mark? I had a speech prepared and everything.

@rachow sadly if he did he he would have been the asshole that said god bless you five times