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My marriage fell apart in 2006 when my wife caught me licking a goat's face behind some bushes. I had no excuse. I'm confused. Regards.
Just opened my sadvent calendar. It's the front door of my farm and no-one is ever there. Lonely regards :(
People always ask me where the strangest place I've had sex is.
I'd have to say a goat's backside. Regards.
Who wants a 2014 Weird Horse calendar? Regards.
I've just stripped naked and dived into some pig dung to celebrate Friday and now I'm dirty, sweaty and upset. Regards.
Our potatoes are imported direct from Bongo Bongo Land so you can be sure of the highest quality mash. £2.50 per kilo. Regards.
My fitness DVD will be out in time for Christmas. It's called 'Eat Like a Pig, Don't Look Like One - The Grass Diet by Baffled Farmer'
BREAKING: Wind. Regards.
This... is... FARMA!
All neighs are my own, not those of the BBC. Media Enquiries & Free Hay: email@example.com