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I'm so old and confused. Why am I in a field with a horse? It keeps neighing and trotting sideways. It just kicked a goat, Am I dying?
I am going to give away some free catering advice when I hit 12 followers. Please tell all your friends and say hello :)
I have just parked my caravan in a beautiful spot near a farm. I'm under a lovely oak tree and a horse is approaching. I am so happy :)
Hi I am new to Twitter. I am living in a caravan at the moment but I hope to own my own long boat and/or barge one day. Nice to meet you.
I'm starting to think that my body is so large and in such disrepair that my family and friends no longer see me as a human being. Regards.
Just stepped on a slug and slipped over. I'm naked and covered in mud and slug juice. This is an appalling Monday so far. Regards.
Just walked past a mirror and looked in it by mistake. Now I'm in tears doing sit-ups but I know I'll never change. Fat for life. Regards
Forgive me for sharing this with you but I'm completely naked and covered baked beans. Regards
If I said you had a beautiful body would you look at mine and vomit? Regards.
It's my birthday in one hour. I'm just so lonely these days. Last year I wrote 'Regards' in a card and sent it to myself. Regards.
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