Just licked a pig and ran to Ipswich

Just tried to squeeze a cute goat's bum but I couldn't because I have hooves and hooves cannot do the motion required to execute a squeeze

You make me feel like, I've been trotting to Devon, for too long, for too long

Just booted a slug to heaven

She can't neigh, she can't trot, but who cares, she smells like an otter

I see you trotting round town with the goat I love and I'm like 'forget hooves'

I'm so excited about Friday and I keep making cow sounds by mistake and the cows are asking me why and I just can't explain lol

David Beckham is in the field looking for Victoria. He just picked up a twig and kissed it and I had to tell him it wasn't Victoria

I'm so hungry I could eat a... oops lol

Just licked a goat and ran off

All the single jockeys, all the single jockeys, put your whips up

Shine bright like a piglet. Shine bright like a piglet. Shine bright like a piglet. We're beautiful like piglets in the sty

Zayn from One Direction just climbed into the field and ate a wasp. Zayn is a bit stupid but the wasp is inzayn

Maybe she's barn with it. Maybe it's Neighbeline

Just put a moth out of its misery by making its life a misery then killing it

Just force-fed a cow some Bovril and it burst into tears, head-butted a swan and ran to Holland

R.I.P to the horse you used to see. Those neighs are over. Horsey fell over

I should have bought you flowers, and held your hooves

Looking at the moon, pooing

Off to Domineighs later as it's Moo for Tuesday. If you buy one cow and do a moo, you get another cow free