Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Relax white people, black people have the "N" word. But we still have words like "Yacht", and sayings like "thanks for the warning officer".
They need to legalize gay marriage, cause who's not gonna watch gay divorce court on TV
My wife: ever since you got on twitter you never listen or talk to me any more.
Me: yeah spaghetti for sure!
Cop: do you know why I was following you?
Me: WAS following? Wait you unfollowed me?
Me... Is it cause of the drugs?
Jesus take the wheel
~ Mexicans stripping a car
Cop: did you see that sign?
Me: yeah I saw the sign, * don't say it don't say*....and it opened up my eyes,
Cop: out of the car
6yo: are we poor
6yo: at least we have each other
Me: that's just something poor people say.
At what age can you call your son a pussy? Is it six? I feel like it should be six.
"I wanna fuck you over" means two completely different things depending on whether you're talking in real life or on a walkie-talkie
My best conversations in life have all started with " listen here mother fucker".
Maybe Jesus went black, and that's why he isn't coming back.
I get it short people, I get it.
Oooops sorry typo,
I'll get it short people, I'll get it.
I'm white, but i'm not "wave to the police" white.
Just saw my friend in a gay porno... His secret has never been safer.
Porn has 2 volume settings:
1. No sound
2. I'm pretty sure everyone in my house can hear this
That's right sexy lady, I see you over there, looking at me, locking eyes with me, pointing at me, whispering to the officer "that's him".
When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.
Ever want to stab somebody with your car?
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher.
So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking.
And that's how the fight started.
Cop: do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: what do you mean by drugs?
Cop: like illegal drugs
Me: what kind of drugs does the ill-eagle need
I made a left at Albuquerque and did a secret handshake with @jazzzzzmina, @Lisa_Laughs_ gives me gas money which i use to pay @juan_golbezze for mowing my lawn