I am a lady.....so I at least pretend that you licking my ass is strange and out of the question...for a few seconds, anyway.

How many times a day can I go masturbate in the bathroom at work before it's considered a "problem"?

A kiss on my forehead will get you anything you want.

My favorite moments are when your girlfriend stars my tweets and doesn't realize I'm talking about all the nasty things I do with HER man.

The only reason I stop masturbating for a day is to let the bruises heal a little.

I have an amazing ability to make excuses to masturbate. It's really quite impressive.

Does this dick in my mouth make my boobs look bigger?

I love it when a man puts me on a pedestal.

All the easier to eat me out on.

Don't let me inch away as you are fucking me...show me who's boss and force my ass back down to you. Drill me like I have no choice.

Make me your possession. I will always obey.

Oops, my apologies, my auto correct didin't know that you are gay.

I measure success by my lipstick marks around the base of your cock being only slightly smeared by the few drops of cum I didn't swallow.

Men SAY they know the "come here motion", but amazingly a lot of men don't realize the direction from which they need to beckon.

I know my picture is posted in 'casual encounters' of Craig's List, but I took it just for you, I promise.

I hate when I can't decide which toy should go in my ass and which one in my pussy.

Just caught my girl cat looking up my dress... Dirty little lesbian.

Am I still a slut for wearing no panties under my dress if no one knows? Or am I just a slut, just because?

I hate having things to do on the weekends....it really cuts into my masturbation time.

Maybe a rapist should try role-playing...

I usually just say I don't have fake nails because I'm not a girly girl, but really it's just that they get in the way of masturbating.