I'm getting more comfortable with storing my girlfriends vibrator collection in my ass.

Follow or Die! ( hypothetically )

Not really.


@jade_spotting
@archerdalton
@saraespivey
@shellyspivey
@yukimeyc

#FF @saraespivey @shellyspivey

Someone really fucked up this family in the most wonderful way.

There are few things in this world equal to tasting a girl for the first time.

I get really sad when I read inspirational quotes that don't end with cynical undertones.

Necrophiliacs make great recyclers cause they're always looking for a bluebox to fill.

Some things are better left unsaid.







Then some dick created Twitter.

I really want to dirty up @crawford , but I think someone beat me to the punch.

"Insert penis in vagina (slot A)"

No instructions for anything ever said that.


And that's why men don't read instructions.

I read Nietzsche for fun and can recite every line from Dumb and Dumber.

You think your confused.

My Twitter crush died.

Who's up?


( it was an accident )

The only thing I like about you, is the fact I like you for some reason.

How do Hoarders watch themselves, when their episode airs, thru all that crap?

Every time someone retweets me one of theTwilight Vampires dies an agonizing brutal death.


Win win.

Sexual women are usually quite intelligent, they have to be to survive mans , virgin/whore complex, world intact.

They probably had wicked Kink clubs deep in the Deathstar.

Have all those Farmville fuckers died yet?

Victoria's Secret,
15 year old coked-up models who haven't taken a solid shit in over a year.

I bet you the guys from "Yo Gabba Gabba" find really good drugs.

I wish Breaking Dawn was actually Red Dawn II instead of a movie about teen lovers and pussy vampires.