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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,490
    • FAVS
    DCFOLLIESPraphlimnBLAZEANDALEXRememberTheMEymmd300Faux_MarockhardabbyJethica
    • 1,081
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyDCFOLLIESPraphlimnlilmisinbetweennikostarKenknudsonKenkscopywriterkailafrank
    TheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 996
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamjejehochMirabelleMariegianni_bcnScottzilla667lorigonzalez28JB_4_RealzM3lissaMcDonald
    • 509
    • RETWEETS
    jejehochMirabelleMariegianni_bcnScottzilla667mPixelPoplorigonzalez28JB_4_Realzkatkittykatty
    UrbanDouchebagConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 987
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamAnemoneOhMirabelleMariekanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnJB_4_RealzB_poling82ZedKamuzu
    • 365
    • RETWEETS
    kanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnB_poling82MrDelFreakykatkittykattywalztutuTampaBayMommaGenevieve0404
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 861
    • FAVS
    JoNaylernvrhaveieverrrrmelbolsmxkimballcholentfaceMacBentzBromanConsulHerrBeth
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    melbolsKrogstiePlaying_Dadgianni_bcnB_poling82davetureqOfficeofStevenaughtywriter2
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 730
    • FAVS
    buzcutsKentWGrahamMirabelleMariebobbymo11kanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnJB_4_Realzsexypitabread
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    buzcutskanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnrankingTweetssprmefernotomfchelseaDanParkin10xMrNapkat
    JB_4_RealzjwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 597
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamA_positive_soulAnemoneOhgianni_bcnJB_4_RealzRubyBottomsB_poling82sarahkalia_
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    KentWGrahamA_positive_soulCelsoPiazzigianni_bcnRubyBottomsjumpdasharkkatkittykattyskinnylittleboy
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 537
    • FAVS
    SirrruhAnemoneOhMirabelleMariegianni_bcnJB_4_RealzImaFlyontheWallRubyBottomsB_poling82
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    Sirrruhgianni_bcnRubyBottomsB_poling82jumpdasharkshittymanbuncasedd76Rlpihl
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 642
    • FAVS
    gianni_bcnkzmarshmallowShaistaJustinkatkittykattyPaperWashTwisted_Mettledietredbulldarinlovesbacon
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    gianni_bcnkatkittykattyRealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 582
    • FAVS
    AnemoneOhB_poling82inaprettypickleTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82inaprettypickleTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_RealShaughnAlisonzombielan__thesheepisblackJBmotorhen
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 548
    • FAVS
    B_poling82loca_cat_ladygigipicolamcibtyPaperWashsecretdonkeyTwisted_Mettledietredbull
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82loca_cat_ladysarahnatasya15jumpdasharktheskeletongrin__OfficeofSteveLorieGZweffy93
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 606
    • FAVS
    SirrruhJohnMarkowitz14thmouseJoerobinowjamespiankajessokfineBeardSpiceAnemoneOh
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    SirrruhKrisStellafiedAnemoneOhB_poling82LorieGZTwisted_MettleRealShaughnJediGigi
    AnemoneOhVodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 555
    • FAVS
    Sirrruhmolls663tripstar51jksmith0327ptoups78rodprince8carlosavchrickkondell
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    Sirrruhswpicjksmith0327rickkondellM3lissaMcDonaldhelltotheyayaloca_cat_ladyjumpdashark
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 483
    • FAVS
    liquidnoshSirrruhKentWGrahamMirabelleMariewilloffendyoun3phoneB_poling82DonSchanke
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    SirrruhB_poling82jumpdasharkconcretesledge_RealShaughndad_divorcedJediGigiReluctantHpstr
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 397
    • FAVS
    SirrruhMirabelleMarieAschmigelMauriceBlitzB_poling82DonSchankeSCackalackeyMFCSecretAngels
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    MirabelleMarieImaFlyontheWallHollyPwnsjumpdasharkNachosDeGrandeMaddsteroniRlpihlTwisted_Mettle
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    FrankieTheAngelPriya_27_MirabelleMarieB_poling82DonSchankegigipicolaPaperWashQuietmonkey77
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyjumpdasharkTwisted_MettleRealShaughnBRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlime
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 425
    • FAVS
    gianni_bcnB_poling82PaperWashTwisted_MettledietredbullDommyJBMarkWillyLudlowUrbanDouchebag
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    gianni_bcnB_poling82datafaucetconcretesledge_BrendonWesselspunkystarfishfuzzlimeanguianosol
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 350
    • FAVS
    gianni_bcnB_poling82DonSchankesamuelshatGPLTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historydatafaucetjumpdasharkTampaBayMommatrumpthechumpMattMcGruffmikefofficialluck_of_the_fox
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 381
    • FAVS
    B_poling82WittySassBasketphullyBrianSaetreTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagchuckenright
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82datafaucetBrianSaetreMadamBetteNoireconcretesledge_ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepic
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 314
    • FAVS
    AnemoneOhB_poling82DonSchankeHeatherLinnell__funnybeachgirlJohnnyBoy7634UnIxphyscojumpdashark
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    JohnnyBoy7634UnIxphyscojumpdasharkcraneenergyTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_skullpuppy11JonathanGoran
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 372
    • FAVS
    B_poling82DonSchankeKristy2099TipTopBeanDadandBuriedRandomchkkCammille26stfugunterman
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82The1WhosCrazyMr_KapowskijumpdasharkTwisted_MettlelovejulieaynBBBBBentconcretesledge_
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Magic Bullet, http://fantastic4thgraders.tumblr.com/

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