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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,258
    • FAVS
    Geanina_26KBlunt_SarcasticchuteboxeacadDeadlyJellyBabyFancyNancyAnnDiversion50quilsq911ellejizzer
    • 958
    • RETWEETS
    KortersComedyGeanina_26KMgniMFancyNancyAnnTriciaDearestDiversion50NRbabiesmommaRealShaughn
    UrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 954
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerHottpantsMcGeeGenevieve0404zero3_benzCubanB1987minnie_in_pink7Twor76JonathanGoran
    • 487
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnGenevieve0404160booksminnie_in_pink7JonathanGoranUnsweetenedTeasonjamhansenAvatarAnnaley
    ConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 967
    • FAVS
    Blunt_Sarcasticzero3_benzsweetpoutineJonathanGoranPlaying_Dadman_spachDrDweezilNakedHangover
    • 358
    • RETWEETS
    Genevieve0404JonathanGoranfuzzlimeURAMasterpiecespicysweet84pantsofthunderleechee420LifesGoodThing
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 825
    • FAVS
    Genevieve0404thismoment342BackpackerBooiezero3_benzBrodinStahlLauraWitkowskiCherishMeKoldMorningKrow
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnthismoment342steve_condraTreeBobbrudystienerstundeesandiJayTeaneyjohnecash1
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 632
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzBanangelaAngelaJonathanGoranOtherDanOBrienPlaying_DadEliHansenMusicStacieBee28ZingingCutie
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnalopezxviizero3_benzJonathanGoranEliHansenMusicZingingCutieman_spachvapokracker
    jwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    Blunt_SarcasticellejizzerGenevieve0404rickolanternTattleTSistersweetpoutineSarcasticMoosechildhoodgames
    • 282
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnGenevieve0404rachaellaw_TattleTSisterSarcasticMooseJonathanGoranBurroFumatourettzgoth
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 630
    • FAVS
    Genevieve0404zero3_benzPlaying_DadGinRumMetrumpthechumppantsofthunderleechee420Lin_Baker
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213GoofpoopsDBMaxP
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 515
    • FAVS
    Blunt_SarcasticGenevieve0404zero3_benzPiecesOpinionJonathanGorantourettzgothussoldadodad_divorced
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    Blunt_SarcasticRealShaughncharliebrowncbdad_divorcedJediGigieborg01loribuckmajorgmossii
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 574
    • FAVS
    BwanaChrisjetage71Firecat2785J_Illunninatizero3_benzJonathanGorantourettzgothPlaying_Dad
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnAlisonzombielan__thesheepisblackJBreversemeReluctantHpstrpantsofthunderleechee420JSLauderdale
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 587
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienTayloreMcElroyBrittTallmanMissNomer_JediGigi
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnJediGigionume_leechee420GoofpoopsBrony_ShitsmyeverylstnerveLHaverale
    VodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 494
    • FAVS
    iMikosnycmmabarbie007nickeee_tweetsVM_VanderhugeNaked_SupermanDaddysTroubleclowndroBlackCheesePie
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    Naked_SupermanicrushedmyhaloRealShaughnjewfacekillafavstar_historythe_real_patty_krissyyx3_IdHateToBeSe7en
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 522
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienPlaying_DadMeriskatBeamishBoicookiesnweed
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnonume_scarred_z_headminnie_in_pink7Adar79Angieleechee420financechargeRasbanda_Manolo
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 464
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzSerrabelldad_divorcedTayloreMcElroyJediGigiWildeThingytrumpthechumptamu1996
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughndad_divorcedJediGigiReluctantHpstrhammywtfleechee420s_ashbyjaxRoyOud44
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 374
    • FAVS
    sheisaHEXcolorWoundedKamikazezero3_benzBRURAYYAJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekilla
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnzero3_benzJonathanGoranUnhingedBlahAllysonMonahanRskZandobizarrequotesmyleswatson155
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 384
    • FAVS
    RealShaughnzero3_benzvapidaccountJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaCatherineLMK
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnBRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlimeleechee420GoofpoopsRanaHojeij
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 414
    • FAVS
    RENskincareSAhannayama12Nick_Frostzero3_benztourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweezil
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    BrendonWesselspunkystarfishfuzzlimeanguianosolleechee420PanettaSexyTimeShaistaJustinThe_MissMayLe
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 339
    • FAVS
    Blunt_Sarcasticzero3_benztourettzgothjewfacekillaDrDweezilpbear79trumpthechumpMattMcGruff
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    trumpthechumpMattMcGruffmikefofficialluck_of_the_foxfuzzlimeR0llingSt0nerLuckoftheDraw86leechee420
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 370
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweezilJBreversemeFoolSpeaktamu1996leechee420
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepicUndercoverDaanthatdutchpersonwhatsthisplaceCruHollaJadeKurlzzHU
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 298
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzskullpuppy11JonathanGoranOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweezilswitterbeetLizardFollow
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    skullpuppy11JonathanGoranLizardFollowmaggiemaccaroqpleechee420loubellepollyNeelCindy
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 354
    • FAVS
    zero3_benzOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaFoolSpeakCopperheadSammileechee420Goofpoopsiwearaonesie
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    onume_favstar_historyleechee420Goofpoopsbchi76david_tullradtoriathatdutchperson
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer.