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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Gift @WetzelGeek Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,932
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    • 1,327
    • RETWEETS
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    OfficeofStevedietredbullTheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconTimJohnishArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 1,093
    • LIKES
    KirstensDeskSteveDutzyBreathe_ttizzyslizzhstweetheartHouse_Feministcgriedingerbae_miles
    • 561
    • RETWEETS
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    TimJohnishConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 1,066
    • LIKES
    financechargeluvmyADHDGeoroyomarcusparkersolShelonkaleggeauxalsweetgumSaharWho
    • 396
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    summerofbennyGoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenom__TheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 899
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    iwearaonesieSteveDutzyjvanzandOneyeBogeyLeeLuvYogaThaJawnlookingglassvuedaniel_shaw
    • 330
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    OfficeofSteverealHamOnWrynaazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 773
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    sophienuuttalldreamthievinVapo_Robspiderlou2099ThaJawnbenicus_rex__Kimgee8Faux_Ma
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
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    JB4RealzjwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 696
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    iwearaonesieBrittLCquirkismsStevenRocksOneClowndroVerbsRProudestPetrickSarawortmeldung
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
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    PanettaSexyTimeWookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 602
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    rachel2manypawssix_2_and_evenThaJawnbenicus_rex__Kimgee8WilliamsCodexradicaljocyBoredButPerky
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
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    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 629
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    Breathe_ttThaJawnbenicus_rex__Kimgee8AmplifiedAlesbrdeprimathe_anastasiaaidanroche
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
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    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 663
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    iwearaonesieThaJawnbenicus_rex__xenavie507pmSmilee306doughnutbuttTomboyGlam
    • 209
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    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez__
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 608
    • LIKES
    supaj76DammitLarry1ThaJawnuncle_quincyReneeHoorayRobertJ235davidkoethcrownarmourer
    • 196
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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 631
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    iwearaonesieRougeCassThaJawnbenicus_rex__tahitisweetsMaggieharris5StaceyShortcakecaseytduncan
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
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    Womonologue__VodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 566
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    • 227
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    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 499
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    • 211
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    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 424
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    • 240
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    KendellMaddenLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 417
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    • 183
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    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 447
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    • 135
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    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez__
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 373
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    caseytduncandougbiesbenicus_rex__bcrxtdanlextalMommshoneyb69thobo_Mmagicraisin
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    jumpdasharkmrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 397
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    caseytduncanjvanzandMacKooliobenicus_rex__privateworld99gufawwkeriqbaumsimontoddtaylor
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    MacKooliowearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 390
    • LIKES
    caseytduncanpatterson_mitchjess_the_bunnyagurlnamedjeniGreenMonkbrennadinemyles_morrisonluvmyADHD
    • 109
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    TimJohnishDanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 328
    • LIKES
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    • 167
    • RETWEETS
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    DanKCharnley
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Magic Bullet, Fantastic 4th Graders.

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