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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,008
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloAngelinaC72jaslakhmnaCountGripsnatchSofiaLuviMagnifiTsentcourtneykarnsNickBrincks
    • 749
    • RETWEETS
    LymielyfejaslakhmnaInitials_numberSMofHRinHCNickBrincksdavid_tullSoRegressiveisaac_carrillo6
    UrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 869
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloSofiaLuvikeeetymammataylornicole23donnasammydavid_tullredthe1radtoria
    • 436
    • RETWEETS
    Initials_numberkeeetymammadavid_tulldaskidcoppiScorpionDongposhbirdgabinoodaiiNerdyBirdy346
    ConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 910
    • FAVS
    ilayewdavid_tullMrNickJCsavage_wienermsmollybee25redthe1radtoriapsinerd
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    ilayewwinkibelle09Mortal_Rombat17savage_wienerredthe1deathtoscumbagsLerkydaskidcoppi
    djdavemichaelsShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    SofiaLuviwilliam_mobithe_tsai_guyKelseaKerfufflemsmollybee25redthe1TheTokMoffgiddyboozing
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
    ilayewredthe1daskidcoppiflashemberMcSwtrvstest1975blogHecklersDelightiLikeCatShirts
    HeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimeYayForAnxietySmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 583
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloSofiaLuvitaylornicole23david_tullwilliam_mobiMrNickJCthe_tsai_guytalktojb
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullKelseaKerfufflecloblojobredthe1giddyboozingdaskidcoppiWine_PlzBadfliks
    jwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 609
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloSteph38383david_tullredthe1radtoriaTheTokMoffAHoundNamedAlbagiddyboozing
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullgiddyboozingdaskidcoppiTeejayRushfeatherlouTravesMcPunkTheIronSherkttouchton
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 499
    • FAVS
    SofiaLuvidavid_tullradtoriapsinerdgiddyboozingilikeyouguysdaskidcoppiGenny_jello
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    Kelsey_Gordon13david_tullgiddyboozingdaskidcoppipriscillaOvOATequliaJournalBrowneyed_mamaMarsRover419______
    ibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 517
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloSofiaLuvidavid_tullredthe1radtoriapsinerddawny716TheTokMoff
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    Kelsey_Gordon13david_tullgiddyboozingmattkinkadedaskidcoppiMadisonVoirolthatdutchpersonjologz
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 569
    • FAVS
    GypsyNevaehtriSARAHtops77BeamishBoi_alexrasmussenChristianPlanteWendiwolfF6WOZ9LHaverale
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    Brony_ShitsmyeverylstnerveLHaveraleSofiaLuvidaskidcoppiaura_birdiethatdutchpersonjessylynn40
    djdavemichaelsRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 417
    • FAVS
    ilayewSofiaLuvidavid_tullMrNickJCdeanyork12SistaCrumpetJaneBadallredthe1
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    ilayewandizyanredthe1giddyboozingdaskidcoppijonslowDoubleauntAndrelookhomeward
    JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 461
    • FAVS
    SofiaLuvidavid_tullredthe1psinerddawny716AHoundNamedAlbagiddyboozingflashember
    • 189
    • RETWEETS
    giddyboozingWhatevaConcJohn_Mike_mattkinkadeTlaxBoy05JessiCanadianUghNotAgainIlliter8
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 444
    • FAVS
    david_tullAHoundNamedAlbaMollySneedWine_PlzflashemberKittySaysMeeowthatdutchpersondippythesquid
    • 193
    • RETWEETS
    dippythesquidiLikeCatShirtsgonzohostilityTlaxBoy05hrbekroenickrndhouseReko420racecarompp
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    Genny_jellotaylornicole23thefostererdavid_tullpsinerdDelwoodKingsMomScrambledMceggsgiddyboozing
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullbacon_gillepicgiddyboozing_schneebbitchikerflashemberSweet_Leafs_GinGander
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 354
    • FAVS
    Genny_jellotaylornicole23david_tullpsinerdAHoundNamedAlbagiddyboozingflashemberqueenothebes
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    Kelsey_Gordon13david_tullgiddyboozingTheReal_AC2011fortunecookie23MollySneedjonslowradtoria
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 381
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloibid78david_tullpsinerdnotbedeliasharon235711giddyboozingKelsieSmurphy
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullthatfunnyjonbacon_gillepicsharon235711KelsieSmurphyJ_Hart03WhatevaConcbitchiker
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 300
    • FAVS
    GypsyNevaehSpindelrellatriSARAHtops77DaphneDiMannerism77jlord701writetrashDHGamerMR
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    GypsyNevaehSpindelrellaperez_stefanMannerism77Brony_ShitsDHGamerMRmyeverylstnervePetrone107
    Your_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 356
    • FAVS
    SofiaLuvidavid_tullpsinerdOhgoddessitsmegiddyboozingflashemberWine_Plzradtoria
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    bacon_gillepicUndercoverDaanthatdutchpersonwhatsthisplaceCruHollaJadeKurlzzHUwillsheaneyl0rdlucas
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 343
    • FAVS
    Genny_jelloSofiaLuvitaylornicole23thefostererdavid_tullpsinerdgiddyboozingflashember
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    david_tullradtoriathatdutchpersonJessiCanadianRobocopLustJessikaJordanMBBeachRatMhtMnc
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 307
    • FAVS
    Genny_jellothefostererdavid_tullpsinerdAHoundNamedAlbagiddyboozingflashemberjonslow
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    Genny_jellodavid_tullgiddyboozingTrishamottbacon_gillepicskullpuppy11LS_FaderBrianSaetre
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Great job Subway. What better way to reinforce stereotypes than to hire black male athletes to promote $5 footlongs.

    • 298
    • FAVS
    Genny_jellodavid_tullpsinerdgiddyboozingflashemberteeaysmithibid78thatdutchperson
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    Genny_jellodavid_tullgiddyboozing7Jer_Dun6JessiCanadiandoin_thymeIlliter8s34n77
    adambation
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Widely published in bathroom stalls across the country.