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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,351
    • FAVS
    funnyguyTwisted_MettledietredbullElleCraibStumpWoodleyPFritz21VonAndrewsteinpeachgrenade
    • 1,016
    • RETWEETS
    NonChronPFritz21kevmancloudMelanieShebeldarinlovesbaconLeeragstolerjdelkjp_daddi0
    TheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 978
    • FAVS
    funnyguy_MakeItReina_FrodoshopSilverBadgerLeConneasashaysavHD1816keogroh007
    • 498
    • RETWEETS
    SilverBadgerGinGandersashaysavsophiesyed55CaptainKoriGingerGanderLorieGZdPAYNEEEEE
    UrbanDouchebagConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 973
    • FAVS
    Twisted_Mettledietredbullconcretesledge_m_kaczorTampaBayMommasad_treeBlunt_Sarcasticzero3_benz
    • 359
    • RETWEETS
    TampaBayMommaGenevieve0404JonathanGoranfuzzlimeURAMasterpiecespicysweet84pantsofthunderleechee420
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 831
    • FAVS
    GregimoTwisted_MettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_Genevieve0404thismoment342
    • 307
    • RETWEETS
    LorieGZTwisted_MettleRealShaughnthismoment342steve_condraTreeBobbrudystienerstundeesandi
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 702
    • FAVS
    insanlyludacrisJasonNebergallDr_SwagarificsroymBeesthegameBurbankLawGuycraneenergyTwisted_Mettle
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    BeesthegameTwisted_Mettlegmark4311Doctor_MandoShitDerrekSaysspeakyrdreamscbahorizejrNdelMar27
    jwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 577
    • FAVS
    Melisa__WestTeamshorty97BeesthegameHowiesbookclubsimonmaxhillTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebag
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    simonmaxhillTwisted_Mettlekavoinooiconcretesledge_RealShaughnGenevieve0404rachaellaw_TattleTSister
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 637
    • FAVS
    Twisted_MettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_ibid78MacKoolioGenevieve0404
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213GoofpoopsDBMaxP
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 526
    • FAVS
    Twisted_Mettledietredbullitsthelaw_son_07thkingTomClancyKyle1092Rlpihldarinlovesbacon
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    fedoratipcasedd76RlpihlBlunt_SarcasticRealShaughncharliebrowncbdad_divorcedJediGigi
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 581
    • FAVS
    inaprettypickleTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_ibid78BwanaChris
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    inaprettypickleTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_RealShaughnAlisonzombielan__thesheepisblackJBreversemeReluctantHpstr
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 543
    • FAVS
    secretdonkeyTwisted_Mettledietredbullannarosem3darinlovesbaconcanniballanconcretesledge_fullblowndave
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    theskeletongrinOfficeofSteveLorieGZweffy93case_willBenjaminKnolOhgoddessitsmeBownuggets
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 595
    • FAVS
    PrefersSleepTWDAlyssaTwisted_Mettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconconcretesledge_TampaBayMommaibid78
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    LorieGZTwisted_MettleRealShaughnJediGigionume_leechee420GoofpoopsBrony_Shits
    VodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 533
    • FAVS
    Twisted_MettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconHydie_Jmil_h0usekavoinooiOutOnTheMoorsconcretesledge_
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    kavoinooiOutOnTheMoorsconcretesledge_RealShaughnonume_scarred_z_headminnie_in_pink7Adar79Angie
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 470
    • FAVS
    Twisted_Mettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_ibid78zero3_benzSerrabell
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_RealShaughndad_divorcedJediGigiReluctantHpstrhammywtfleechee420s_ashbyjax
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    heachyTwisted_MettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_VerifiedDrunk_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    Twisted_MettleRealShaughnzero3_benzJonathanGoranUnhingedBlahAllysonMonahanRskZandobizarrequotes
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 394
    • FAVS
    Quietmonkey77sirCrumblelotGarthLeverbrianlawloredTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_
    • 173
    • RETWEETS
    Twisted_MettleRealShaughnBRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlimeleechee420Goofpoops
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 422
    • FAVS
    Twisted_MettledietredbullDommyBear21MarkWillyLudlowUrbanDouchebagLukeJEwingconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_BrendonWesselspunkystarfishfuzzlimeanguianosolleechee420PanettaSexyTimeShaistaJustin
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 346
    • FAVS
    Twisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_TampaBayMommaibid78Blunt_Sarcastic
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    TampaBayMommatrumpthechumpMattMcGruffmikefofficialluck_of_the_foxfuzzlimeR0llingSt0nerLuckoftheDraw86
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 377
    • FAVS
    Twisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagchuckenrightMadamBetteNoireconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_zero3_benz
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    MadamBetteNoireconcretesledge_ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepicUndercoverDaanthatdutchpersonwhatsthisplace
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    Eric_NikiforovcraneenergyTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge_ibid78MacKoolio
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    craneenergyTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_skullpuppy11JonathanGoranLizardFollowmaggiemaccaroqp
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    PrefersSleepTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebaglovejulieaynconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_zero3_benz
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    Twisted_MettlelovejulieaynBBBBBentconcretesledge_onume_favstar_historyleechee420Goofpoops
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Magic Bullet, http://fantastic4thgraders.tumblr.com/