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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,523
    • FAVS
    LazloGustomadgej2716Bobarti_NLDkaterin_aguilarAngryRaccoon2Amytripvinnstantmahagowitz
    • 1,101
    • RETWEETS
    SteveCox312Bobarti_NLDkaterin_aguilarNolaChef504davd_inglishmahagowitzhabreddevilrock388
    TheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 1,020
    • FAVS
    jrb_85RevMGDWarbird1974sandymac5NormyChaplinklevine617LicramXshhrugg
    • 520
    • RETWEETS
    jrb_85RevMGDNormyChaplinKentWGrahambgirl314TK_STEWARTLox_21_Jess_22_
    UrbanDouchebagConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 989
    • FAVS
    Prof_HinkleyMr_KapowskiKentWGrahamAnemoneOhMirabelleMariekanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnJB_4_Realz
    • 369
    • RETWEETS
    slugginthruWEIRDCHRISTMASjackiem86503465Mr_Kapowskikanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnB_poling82MrDelFreaky
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 862
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiJoNaylernvrhaveieverrrrmelbolsmxkimballcholentfaceMacBentzBromanConsul
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    melbolsKrogstiePlaying_Dadgianni_bcnB_poling82davetureqOfficeofStevenaughtywriter2
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 735
    • FAVS
    Spittenger13jaimpeltzHumor_Fetishsavage_wienerMr_KapowskibuzcutsKentWGrahamMirabelleMarie
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    hunterrloganMr_Kapowskibuzcutskanyeskunkbabygianni_bcnrankingTweetssprmefernotomfchelsea
    JB_4_RealzjwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 599
    • FAVS
    Humor_FetishMr_KapowskiKentWGrahamA_positive_soulAnemoneOhgianni_bcnJB_4_RealzRubyBottoms
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiKentWGrahamA_positive_soulCelsoPiazzigianni_bcnRubyBottomsjumpdasharkkatkittykatty
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 544
    • FAVS
    MoriahBrynbigeasybergiePussyNDabsJustDucky_13Mind_fukkLisaANjaxMr_KapowskiSirrruh
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    janinedickensHiMarenNiceLittleWifeMind_fukkELEPHANTSiNJARSMr_KapowskiSirrruhgianni_bcn
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 643
    • FAVS
    Mr_Kapowskigianni_bcnkzmarshmallowShaistaJustinkatkittykattyPaperWashTwisted_Mettledietredbull
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    gianni_bcnkatkittykattyRealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 586
    • FAVS
    vivalacrapannfox05586155SinfulShellyMr_KapowskiAnemoneOhB_poling82inaprettypickleTwisted_Mettle
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkMr_KapowskiB_poling82inaprettypickleTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_RealShaughnAlisonzombielan__
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 616
    • FAVS
    NiceLittleWifepprincess_alexxSilverBadgercoffee_mysticMind_fukkannfox05586155StaceyEllen12cerveza_y_tacos
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    SilverBadgerMind_fukkPeevedLifecerveza_y_tacosMr_KapowskiSirrruhKrisStellafiedAnemoneOh
    AnemoneOhVodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 549
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiB_poling82loca_cat_ladygigipicolamcibtyPaperWashsecretdonkeyTwisted_Mettle
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82loca_cat_ladysarahnatasya15jumpdasharktheskeletongrin__OfficeofSteveLorieGZweffy93
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 559
    • FAVS
    cerveza_y_tacosEcto3ArandomnloveitMr_KapowskiSirrruhmolls663tripstar51jksmith0327
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    cerveza_y_tacosEcto3ArandomnloveitMr_KapowskiSirrruhswpicjksmith0327rickkondell
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 487
    • FAVS
    DrewPNuttsSayhikristyMind_fukkMr_KapowskiliquidnoshSirrruhKentWGrahamMirabelleMarie
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    SayhikristyMind_fukkSirrruhB_poling82jumpdasharkconcretesledge_RealShaughndad_divorced
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 405
    • FAVS
    Morningstar1316SayhikristyMind_fukkJay1972Jayjackiem86503465MikiepooAsYouNotWishMr_Kapowski
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    SayhikristyMind_fukkjackiem86503465MikiepooELEPHANTSiNJARSzami_singsonMr_KapowskiMirabelleMarie
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 402
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiFrankieTheAngelPriya_27_MirabelleMarieB_poling82DonSchankegigipicolaPaperWash
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyjumpdasharkTwisted_MettleRealShaughnBRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlime
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    jaimpeltzAsYouNotWishMr_Kapowskigianni_bcnB_poling82PaperWashTwisted_Mettledietredbull
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    Jay1972Jayimthefunny1jackiem86503465Mr_Kapowskigianni_bcnB_poling82datafaucetconcretesledge_
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 353
    • FAVS
    zami_singsonGhostAlphaKiloMr_Kapowskigianni_bcnB_poling82DonSchankesamuelshatGPLTwisted_Mettle
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    GhostAlphaKilozami_singsonfavstar_historydatafaucetjumpdasharkTampaBayMommatrumpthechumpMattMcGruff
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 320
    • FAVS
    jaimpeltzjustmegirlRRmaggiewhatssParkBalanoffCrissyhasTweetsMr_KapowskiAnemoneOhB_poling82
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    FFC_UFCjustmegirlRRzami_singsonCrissyhasTweetsMr_KapowskiJohnnyBoy7634UnIxphyscojumpdashark
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    Mr_KapowskiB_poling82WittySassBasketphullyBrianSaetreTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebag
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82datafaucetBrianSaetreMadamBetteNoireconcretesledge_ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepic
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 372
    • FAVS
    B_poling82DonSchankeKristy2099TipTopBeanDadandBuriedRandomchkkCammille26stfugunterman
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    B_poling82The1WhosCrazyMr_KapowskijumpdasharkTwisted_MettlelovejulieaynBBBBBentconcretesledge_
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Magic Bullet, http://fantastic4thgraders.tumblr.com/

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