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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,375
    • FAVS
    shanetheveinHitGirl516IQueenOFFartsBlackCheesePieTreacleVeritykatkittykattyMauriceBlitz50jackel
    • 1,021
    • RETWEETS
    woodt2251HitGirl516IQueenOFFartsTreacleVeritykatkittykattyCeeckerAphroditeAfter5RTRajaa
    TheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 987
    • FAVS
    shanetheveinkatkittykattyMrDelFreakyPaperWashRlpihldadamantiumLeahsLoungeCh8rming
    • 502
    • RETWEETS
    katkittykattyRTRajaaMrDelFreakywalztutuSilverBadgerGinGandersashaysavsophiesyed55
    UrbanDouchebagConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 980
    • FAVS
    ZedKamuzuBlackCheesePieMrDelFreakykatkittykattyPaperWashLeahsLoungewalztutuTwisted_Mettle
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    MrDelFreakykatkittykattywalztutuTampaBayMommaGenevieve0404JonathanGoranfuzzlimeURAMasterpiece__
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 842
    • FAVS
    ZedKamuzuonelongbenderMauriceBlitzjanettejmireleschapmanj100wwwbikeriderneildeezyMrDelFreaky
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    OfficeofStevenaughtywriter2chellehavazMrDelFreakykatkittykattywalztutuLorieGZTwisted_Mettle
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 707
    • FAVS
    shanetheveinkatkittykattyPaperWashLeahsLoungewalztutuinsanlyludacrisJasonNebergallDr_Swagarific
    • 261
    • RETWEETS
    katkittykattywalztutuBeesthegameTwisted_Mettlegmark4311Doctor_MandoShitDerrekSaysspeakyrdreams
    jwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    sarahkmarkZachSohmergigipicolamcibtyshanetheveinDirtyGoldNYCkatkittykattyPaperWash
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkkatkittykattyskinnylittleboyRlpihlsimonmaxhillTwisted_Mettlekavoinooiconcretesledge_
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 641
    • FAVS
    kzmarshmallowShaistaJustinkatkittykattyPaperWashTwisted_MettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconUrbanDouchebag
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    katkittykattyRealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213Goofpoops
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 529
    • FAVS
    gigipicolaPaperWashLeahsLoungeTwisted_Mettledietredbullitsthelaw_son_07thkingTomClancy
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkfrankiefromtargcasedd76RlpihlBlunt_SarcasticRealShaughncharliebrowncbdad_divorced
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 580
    • FAVS
    inaprettypickleTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_ibid78BwanaChris
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    inaprettypickleTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_RealShaughnAlisonzombielan__thesheepisblackJBmotorhenReluctantHpstr
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 547
    • FAVS
    loca_cat_ladygigipicolamcibtyPaperWashsecretdonkeyTwisted_Mettledietredbullannarosem3
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    loca_cat_ladysarahnatasya15jumpdasharktheskeletongrinOfficeofSteveLorieGZweffy93case_will
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 595
    • FAVS
    PrefersSleepTWDAlyssaTwisted_Mettledietredbulldarinlovesbaconconcretesledge_TampaBayMommaibid78
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    LorieGZTwisted_MettleRealShaughnJediGigionume_leechee420GoofpoopsBrony_Shits
    VodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 544
    • FAVS
    helltotheyayakitten_talkerloca_cat_ladyDonSchankegigipicolaPaperWashPierreLeMeatkatie_1002
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    helltotheyayaloca_cat_ladyjumpdasharkRlpihlkavoinooiOutOnTheMoorsconcretesledge_RealShaughn
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 476
    • FAVS
    DonSchankethatmarkabbottKZGAL1mejustbethgigipicolaPaperWashTwisted_Mettledietredbull
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkconcretesledge_RealShaughndad_divorcedJediGigiReluctantHpstrhammywtfleechee420
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 392
    • FAVS
    DonSchankeSCackalackeyMFCSecretAngelsmorganbaxtrickgigipicolaHollyPwnsNachosDeGrandethefakeshenry
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    HollyPwnsjumpdasharkNachosDeGrandeMaddsteroniRlpihlTwisted_MettleRealShaughnzero3_benz
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 397
    • FAVS
    DonSchankegigipicolaPaperWashQuietmonkey77sirCrumblelotGarthLeverbrianlawloredTwisted_Mettle
    • 174
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkTwisted_MettleRealShaughnBRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlimeleechee420
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 423
    • FAVS
    PaperWashTwisted_MettledietredbullDommyJBMarkWillyLudlowUrbanDouchebagLukeJEwingconcretesledge_
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_BrendonWesselspunkystarfishfuzzlimeanguianosolleechee420PanettaSexyTimeShaistaJustin
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 348
    • FAVS
    DonSchankesamuelshatGPLTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagconcretesledge__Ms_Moneypenny_TampaBayMomma
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkTampaBayMommatrumpthechumpMattMcGruffmikefofficialluck_of_the_foxfuzzlimeR0llingSt0ner
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 380
    • FAVS
    WittySassBasketphullyBrianSaetreTwisted_MettledietredbullUrbanDouchebagchuckenrightMadamBetteNoire
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    BrianSaetreMadamBetteNoireconcretesledge_ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepicUndercoverDaanthatdutchperson
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 312
    • FAVS
    DonSchankeHeatherLinnellfunnybeachgirlJohnnyBoy7634un1xphyscojumpdasharkEric_Nikiforovcraneenergy
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    JohnnyBoy7634un1xphyscojumpdasharkcraneenergyTwisted_Mettleconcretesledge_skullpuppy11JonathanGoran
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    DonSchankeKristy2099TipTopBeanDadandBuriedRandomchkkCammille26stfuguntermanThe1WhosCrazy
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    The1WhosCrazyMr_KapowskijumpdasharkTwisted_MettlelovejulieaynBBBBBentconcretesledge_onume_
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Magic Bullet, http://fantastic4thgraders.tumblr.com/