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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,904
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8Plan_BX2clean_not_soberMythicPicnic_troyjohnsonSFC_SoileauKellySi24841815KnowingHope
    • 1,314
    • RETWEETS
    Plan_BX2SteadyVibenSkuljennakoch3Laaurenn_Klil_BGriffinSteffiRuffoloAaron_CoolguyI_gro_plants
    OfficeofStevedietredbullTheDailySchmuckdarinlovesbaconTimJohnishArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 1,061
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8PiecezillaradicaljocyMaggieharris5starrybeach1Spaced_Cowboy00marymcgregor17th_purpl_lady
    • 543
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyNawtyHawtyMinxstarrybeach1Spaced_Cowboy00marymcgregor17th_purpl_ladyjaynecomplainscaseytduncan
    TimJohnishConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 1,031
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8Comedian1Liners_troyjohnsonwhitakercrewstarrybeach1Spaced_Cowboy00valzhogan__Lama911
    • 382
    • RETWEETS
    Comedian1LinersSpaced_Cowboy00hoplesslycrazyjaynecomplainscaseytduncanbgirl314cbdoubleubourgeoisalien
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 890
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8_troyjohnsoneluna333starrybeach1Spaced_Cowboy00Lama911jaynecomplainsStaceyShortcake
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    Spaced_Cowboy00Lama911caseytduncanbigbrez100bgirl314Roweboat13GPressOneForNoEwans_Dad
    OfficeofSteverealHamOnWrynaazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 767
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8Faux_Mavalzhogan__Lama911ugly_ucklingjaynecomplainsStaceyShortcakeWorldWideCrud
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    tahitisweetsjaynecomplainscaseytduncanNERDlESTJasmin_TattsCanadianMclovincannoneerfourRachAlexandrine
    JB4RealzjwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8BoredButPerkyth_purpl_ladyvalzhogan__ShaneSpiralLama911jaynecomplainseddiespike
    • 347
    • RETWEETS
    Lama911SirDigbyItIsjaynecomplainsStaceyShortcakecaseytduncanohheymarythinggtwoocody_shell
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 598
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8WilliamsCodexradicaljocyBoredButPerkyLama911Ajac2AmandacaseytduncanTheLastVirgo
    • 360
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyLama911caseytduncanJasmin_TattskeriqbaumCanadianMclovinRoweboat13GNikxitown
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 626
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8AmplifiedAlesbrdeprimathe_anastasiaaidanrocheOhNoSheTwitnt_troyjohnsonDonSchanke
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    ShivaniGRorneryalwaysAmplifiedAlesaidanroche_troyjohnsonFaux_MaPaulaIngleavesmrs_gabriela
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 651
    • FAVS
    Kimgee8Lama911caseytduncanCanadianMclovinObscureGentPressOneForNoTmoney68ElKnuckelhombre
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    caseytduncangianni_bcnkatkittykatty__RealShaughnonume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 627
    • FAVS
    tahitisweetsMaggieharris5StaceyShortcakecaseytduncanCanadianMclovinObscureGentPressOneForNoComedianDorianV
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    caseytduncanComedianDorianVSilverBadgerMind_fukkPeevedLifecerveza_y_tacosMr_KapowskiSirrruh
    AnemoneOhVodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 562
    • FAVS
    tahitisweetsBoredButPerkyLama911StaceyShortcakejaynecomplainscaseytduncanCanadianMclovinObscureGent
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    chrisbernard609jaynecomplainscaseytduncanB_poling82duchys_momsarahnatasya15jumpdasharktheskeletongrin__
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 594
    • FAVS
    BoredButPerkyLama911DuchessAlisonjaynecomplainscaseytduncanCanadianMclovinmacmastermktMamaleh2
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    jaynecomplainscaseytduncanbradley1aKristin_M_3iinkedZombieSimmillKjTingyS_Chris_Borg_
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 497
    • FAVS
    Aus_CJTheLastVirgoParentpainsJasmin_TattsCanadianMclovinObscureGentPressOneForNoComedianDorianV
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    shivam19singhJasmin_TattsCanadianMclovinSayhikristyMind_fukkSirrruhB_poling82jumpdashark
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 423
    • FAVS
    tahitisweetsBoredButPerkymrs_gabrielatorchedcrotchResi001VioletMusingtessafirejaynecomplains
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    BoredButPerkymrs_gabrielaLama911tessafiremuseofhistoryjaynecomplainscaseytduncanduckpolice911
    KendellMaddenLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 415
    • FAVS
    tahitisweetsBoredButPerkyAintSoFunnyMeowVioletMusingWittyHendrixtessafirejaynecomplainscaseytduncan
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    BoredButPerkyLama911VioletMusingtessafirejaynecomplainscaseytduncanPressOneForNofavstar_history
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 446
    • FAVS
    gotkroompstCrystallily73ekSquaredRaniaanterMythicPicniccaseytduncanCanadianMclovin12ForAPenny
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    Crystallily73caseytduncan4SLarsOtterEmporiumObscureTrevorObscureGentJay1972Jayhauntyourdreams
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 370
    • FAVS
    bcrxtdanlextalMommshoneyb69thobo_MmagicraisinTheAlexNevilCanadianMclovinjohnbiehl
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    mshoneyb69TheAlexNevilKMcP13Stacey_Monk_arcadesealbourgeoisalienChrisfromHBSAStoerdienst
    jumpdasharkmrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 393
    • FAVS
    privateworld99gufawwkeriqbaumsimontoddtaylorHeyLookItsKevedenmccoyCanadianMclovinObscureGent
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    tahitisweetsChemistK8ReadingParadoxedenmccoyCanadianMclovinB_poling82datafaucetBrianSaetre
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 326
    • FAVS
    tahitisweetsCanadianMclovinObscureGentPressOneForNoTmoney68ElKnuckelhombrejaimpeltzjustmegirlRR
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    FFC_UFCjustmegirlRRzami_singsonCrissyhasTweetsMr_KapowskiJohnnyBoy7634UnIxphyscojumpdashark
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovin12ForAPennyTheObscureGentsObscureTrevorxluciferaxCelebrityChezObscureGentPressOneForNo
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    ObscureTrevorxluciferaxObscureGentB_poling82The1WhosCrazyMr_KapowskijumpdasharkTwisted_Mettle
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek
Pro

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer: Death Saves anthology, Feral NYC, Magic Bullet, Fantastic 4th Graders.

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