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  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Old McDonald had a farm. He also had a redheaded goth son named Ronald who did acid and talked to hamburgers and purple blobby things.

    • 1,242
    • FAVS
    futbolfarrahiMesaColethe_rock_chicIshmaelMuchenaapple_hotmMamdoohRadadiLacieTomlinson_Amongst_Iggy
    • 945
    • RETWEETS
    jmoneyleezy12apple_hotmMamdoohRadadiHaymzrgaberappJessimica87matthewbernecheClarajulianef
    UrbanDouchebagArroiaiamshakenbakeConcernedSirGuyjoeljeffreyBrianSaetreXGroverXsmedleeBenjyHimmel
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Fanny packs are cool if you wear them to the side like a gangsta.

    • 950
    • FAVS
    CubanB1987minnie_in_pink7Twor76JonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienPlaying_DadDrDweezil
    • 485
    • RETWEETS
    160booksminnie_in_pink7JonathanGoranUnsweetenedTeasonjamhansenAvatarAnnaleyman_spachEseOriginaL420
    ConcernedSirGuyOfficeofSteveVintageBabe1212PanettaSexyTimeICagbanusiGarreTheFerretDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I pick up my dog's poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

    • 965
    • FAVS
    sweetpoutineJonathanGoranPlaying_Dadman_spachDrDweezilNakedHangoverJBreversemeWildeThingy
    • 357
    • RETWEETS
    JonathanGoranfuzzlimeURAMasterpiecespicysweet84pantsofthunderleechee420LifesGoodThingabhorrent_wife
    GoofpoopsOfficeofSteveVodkaShorebirdShaunRightNowTheTennisPhenomTheChrimsonKing
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I prefer women with facial hair, because they have a better chance of surviving a harsh winter.

    • 793
    • FAVS
    tourettzgothPlaying_DadBrxkenWingz__DrDweezillucy_nyholm12369fubarqqnquihydropimp720
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    BrxkenWingz___RedPanda__69fubarrankingTweetsGinRumMeonume_fuzzlimepantsofthunder
    OfficeofSteveHeyZeus666naazihahPanettaSexyTimejake_likes_napsSmithWitDanKCharnleyTheFearBoners____BigHeb7Mothpete
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo

    • 631
    • FAVS
    BanangelaAngelaJonathanGoranOtherDanOBrienPlaying_DadEliHansenMusicStacieBee28ZingingCutieman_spach
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    JonathanGoranEliHansenMusicZingingCutieman_spachvapokrackerCatieReevesG_Koko_trouvaine
    jwoodhamJosesLovesYouCroweJamMonsoonPuma
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon.

    • 561
    • FAVS
    rickolanternTattleTSistersweetpoutineSarcasticMoosechildhoodgamesJonathanGoranQuesadzillaWhymze
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    rachaellaw_TattleTSisterSarcasticMooseJonathanGoranBurroFumatourettzgothdad_divorcedJediGigi
    WookieOnUnicornibid78MidgetsparSadPerunaJermHimselfish
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's up with all of these commercials about a reptile dysfunction? These elderly fellows should worry about their own health first...

    • 628
    • FAVS
    Playing_DadGinRumMetrumpthechumppantsofthunderleechee420Lin_Bakeralla29041999Jojo_51213
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    onume_emzdesjpantsofthunderleechee420Jojo_51213GoofpoopsDBMaxPdonotcurseatme
    ninatreemonkeyJCWisdomNuggetsLoyalTrophiestheschmeltzKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if the Loch Ness Monster was a drowning giraffe? I bet you feel bad now, don't you.

    • 512
    • FAVS
    PiecesOpinionJonathanGorantourettzgothussoldadodad_divorcedTayloreMcElroyJediGigiPlaying_Dad
    • 310
    • RETWEETS
    charliebrowncbdad_divorcedJediGigieborg01loribuckmajorgmossiiG_Koko_bryan_creative
    Cpin42JustLikeMikeeCheeseboy22
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.

    • 569
    • FAVS
    JonathanGorantourettzgothPlaying_DadDrDweezilmarcin_mmmAmonstersmom1bees_wingzmiss_saucytart
    • 220
    • RETWEETS
    AlisonzombielanthesheepisblackJBreversemeReluctantHpstrpantsofthunderleechee420JSLauderdalegeoghegan68
    OfficeofSteveeric10FjoeljeffreyosigatBillFienbergevanrhorneDanKCharnleyYesitsAl
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Would someone PLEASE invent open toe dress shoes for men so I can show off my toenails.

    • 586
    • FAVS
    JonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienTayloreMcElroyBrittTallmanMissNomer_JediGigiPlaying_Dad
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    JediGigionume_leechee420GoofpoopsBrony_ShitsmyeverylstnerveLHaveraleSofiaLuvi
    VodkaShorebirdRubyBottomsYesThatAmyElephartDanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I'm not afraid to call my guy friends "babe."

    • 484
    • FAVS
    JonathanGorantourettzgothPlaying_DadslaughthieMyHomelessNinjaErinEphPeachCoffinJackieMariiie
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    jewfacekillafavstar_historythe_real_patty_krissyyx3_IdHateToBeSe7enDeLorean4salegiddyboozing______WhatevaConc
    duplicitron
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.

    • 521
    • FAVS
    JonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienPlaying_DadMeriskatBeamishBoicookiesnweedWildeThingy
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    onume_scarred_z_headminnie_in_pink7Adar79Angieleechee420financechargeRasbanda_ManoloGoofpoops
    KittySaysMeeowocourtneyno
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Are we absolutely sure that Serena Williams isn't the quarterback of the Redskins?

    • 463
    • FAVS
    Serrabelldad_divorcedTayloreMcElroyJediGigiWildeThingytrumpthechumptamu1996freespirit72ga
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    dad_divorcedJediGigiReluctantHpstrhammywtfleechee420s_ashbyjaxRoyOud44Dallani
    WhosTheresa
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Please be patient and let me finish my long story that you don't care about. I want to hear your fake laugh at the end.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    BRURAYYAJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillajeffrhoodRskZandobizarrequotes
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    JonathanGoranUnhingedBlahAllysonMonahanRskZandobizarrequotesmyleswatson155mharvey816jologz
    AHoundNamedAlbaLuckoftheDraw86SolelyBYour_Boy_DylanDanKCharnleydjr_102
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    I was caught waving my hands in the air like I just don't care by some old people, but they thought I cared and waved back.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    vapidaccountJonathanGorantourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaCatherineLMKswitterbeetCapeTownBlonde
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    BRURAYYAJonathanGoranfusedudefuzzlimeleechee420GoofpoopsRanaHojeijiwearaonesie
    WildeThingyDurtMcHurtt
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Most people don't realize the Hunchback of Notre Dame's back problems were a result of his grueling database entry job.

    • 410
    • FAVS
    tourettzgothOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweeziltrumpthechumpswitterbeetFoolSpeakleechee420
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    fuzzlimeanguianosolleechee420PanettaSexyTimeShaistaJustinThe_MissMayLeChambersFineArtJustDrinkItAway
    DanKCharnleyKevoQuinonez
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

    • 337
    • FAVS
    tourettzgothjewfacekillaDrDweezilpbear79trumpthechumpMattMcGruffbottoni_kellyAHundredElbows
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    trumpthechumpMattMcGruffmikefofficialluck_of_the_foxfuzzlimeR0llingSt0nerLuckoftheDraw86leechee420
    mrtruthandsoul
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    French Fries in France are called American Dicks. Trust me, I've asked at plenty of restaurants over here.

    • 369
    • FAVS
    OtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweezilJBreversemeFoolSpeaktamu1996leechee420Goofpoops
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    ElJeffrowleechee420bacon_gillepicUndercoverDaanthatdutchpersonwhatsthisplaceCruHollaJadeKurlzzHU
    wearesoaloneTheFearBoners____
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    skullpuppy11JonathanGoranOtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaDrDweezilswitterbeetLizardFollowFoolSpeak
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    skullpuppy11JonathanGoranLizardFollowmaggiemaccaroqpleechee420loubellepollyNeelCindy
    DanKCharnley
  • WetzelGeek
      Jeremy Wetzel @WetzelGeek

    What's the deal with ladies and showerheads? Can someone please explain this to me?...in great detail?..DM me, and don't leave anything out.

    • 353
    • FAVS
    OtherDanOBrienjewfacekillaFoolSpeakCopperheadSammileechee420GoofpoopsiwearaonesieSolelyB
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    onume_favstar_historyleechee420Goofpoopsbchi76david_tullradtoriathatdutchperson
    DanKCharnleyWhosTheresa
@WetzelGeek

@WetzelGeek

Harbinger of Breath. Destroyer of Words. Perspiring comic book writer.