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Maintenance blowjobs > Makeup sex
When I answer your text with "K" it's just short for "go fuck yourself."
I got my own dick, thank you!!!
I want to pump the fat out of my body, not for vanity or health, I just want to deep fry the food of my enemies in it.
My reality show idea is The Biggest Loser, but it's just me on Twitter all day.
Work my dick like a Russian immigrant
My body is the best at producing semen and tears.
I'm a considerate lover because, after sex, I'll always leave you with a "thank you" a "with deepest sympathy" and a "get well soon" card.
She said she liked to be hurt during sex so as I came I shouted that her cooking was subpar & she had indeed recently put on weight.
You've never been more robbed than when you invested time in the non deserving.
All sighed out.
How many Weight Watchers points is my wife's butthole?
She's 5'1" & 120 lbs if that helps.
What do we want?
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY SURE!
When do we want it?
Far too much of my daily thoughts revolve around mermaid vaginal location.
An Advent Calendar but all glory holes
Why can't you just accept that a woman wants her thighs to have a play date with your face.
Flowers from a man is a nice gesture but a grand gesture is an ass grab, while his tongue and teeth find her neck.
Current financial status: buying generic everything.
Where did all this Christmas stuff come from? I'm about as prepared for Christmas as New Orleans was for Hurricane Katrina.
I'd only go Bio if he's totally hot and he helps me get some pussy.