Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Who picks up guide dog shit?
I hate it when someone steals my tweet and then changes all the words and makes it 100 times funnier...
Nothing pisses women off more than men.
Fuck. I have a great fucking tweet but I'm 70 fucking characters over.
"What's everyone's fucking problem?" - Lemons.
Nearly at 500 followers. I'm gunna wet myself! Not because I'm excited, I just have a problem.
I wish I could be unemployed and live on twitter. But hating life fuels my tweets. Fuck everything.
You're worth it.
*attempts hair flick... Breaks neck*
I put vodka in a bird feeder once. It was fucking hilarious.
Hey you. Yeah, you. You need to breathe less.
You know you've spent the correct amount of your life on Twitter when you have to start wd40ing your thumb.
4 people unfollowed me because I didn't follow them back asap. I've checked your TL's out now. My Mum tweets funnier shit than you lot.
Yeah, well, I'll ignore you harder.
My thong rode so far up my arse during the night I'm surprised I didn't wake up in two.
This is Twitter. You can't spell words like 'diarrhoea' wrong, for Christ sake.
Got new colours on Draw Something. Living the dream.
Does anyone else ever go out and have a 'good night', but wake up the next day with random bruises?
Fuck sake. Arnold Schwarzenegger's name is too long to make a funny tweet about him and his long name.
"Do these jeans make me look fat?" No, but your sagging cellulite does.
Menstruating is for pussies.