You have great tits!! But you're a man so that doesn't count.

My social life just unfollowed me :(

I just said to my girlfriend that I can't be with her anymore cause I don't deserve her.
She is quite comprehensive for an imaginary person

I just felt an emotion that does not involve a movement of my penis.

Just had sex with a tuna salad. again

I put my genitals on my laptop so don't be surprised if Twitter is over capacity.

ss... so.. ssosh... SOCIAL LIFE?? WITH REAL PEOPLE??? HOW DO YOU DO THAT????

Si cette fille dit encore une fois le mot "swag", elle devra réciter les noms des membres du gouvernement avec ma bite dans son oesophage.

The first time i heard Lady Gaga on the radio, I almost died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

Trying to iron my pubes sounded like a good idea at the time.

When your life sucks, give it a lemon.

Just licking out my imaginary girlfriend.

If you don't have an erection when you see me dancing to "sexy and I know it", you are normal.

Guys who think their socks disappear in the dryer would be happier if they were born with a second anus instead of a penis.

Make a deep tweet about your life and the people will find you deeply fucking annoying.

Les orgies anales, c'est comme les gratins de macaronis: Avec du beurre c'est bien mais pour les plus téméraire, je vous conseil le #tabasco

hey god! thanks for boobs :)

I think my dog suffer from the stockholm syndrome.

If nobody forces you to wear a tie, WHY ARE YOU WEARING A FUCKING TIE ??!

My mother doesn't like my new haircut because she find it "too masculine".